


Mrs. Kim

by myimaginaryboyfriends



Series: Mystic Diary [3]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mental Health Issues, NSFW, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, References to Depression, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-11-20 02:11:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11326488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myimaginaryboyfriends/pseuds/myimaginaryboyfriends
Summary: MC and Yoosung have been married for 6 years, but something has been bothering her for quite a while and slowly she's realized that she doesn't feel the same anymore about her husband. Most of her friends are unmarried and Yoosung's friends as well, who is she going to ask for advice? She bought a diary to cope with her thoughts with the hope that it will help her sort her emotions.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is not directly related to my other Mystic Diary series but they share the same first person format, the MC is not the same but is somewhat similar.

Dear diary,

I once read about a matriarchal tribe that made decisions during their menstruation because that’s when their intuition was the strongest. If I were to believe that were true, than my intuition tells me that I’m unhappy with the man I promised to love and cherish till death do us part. Some people have bad days, but for me it’s felt like a series, welcome to season 5. Don’t get me wrong, everything in my life is going well. I think that’s the problem. I have a wonderful husband, he’s kind, caring, successful, we have a nice house, everything a girl could ask for. But I still feel so empty. When I’m on PMS I do my best to not lash out at my husband because he doesn’t deserve it, I know he loves me, he’s done so much for me and that’s the kind of stuff I have to remind myself often. But is it fair to repay his sacrifice with a sacrifice of my own? I’m pretty sure love isn’t supposed to work like that. I considered going to a therapist but I don’t need someone to tell me how I feel. When I look at my husband, I don’t feel anything. Nada. Zero. I think I remember when I felt genuine emotion for him, but now I’m not sure if I’m just depressed or stopped loving my husband, maybe both. Since he’s doing really well as a veterinarian he’s asked me to bear his children. How can I bear the child of a man I have no feelings for? Having a kid right now doesn’t seem like a great idea. I can’t even have sex with him, I’d rather masturbate. Maybe I need a vacation from my husband. Perhaps the monotony is what has me in this mood. He knows I’m unhappy and he tries to cheer me up, but it just makes me feel worse. Sharing the house has become a chore. I thought a hobby would make me feel better, so far I’ve picked up knitting, sewing, baking, yoga, and painting. The most fun I had was making Halloween costumes for the RFA last year. Learning how to sew was the most useful skill I picked up and maybe baking as well. I’ve made a few cakes, last one was for Zen’s birthday. I dunno, I’ve been focusing all my energy on being the perfect wife that I feel like I lost myself in the process. When I look in the mirror I don’t recognize the person in the reflection.

About a week ago I attempted to have a conversation with my mother. It pretty much went as I expected. All she cared about is that I’m married to a doctor and that I should be grateful for everything I have. “Don’t ruin it.” she chided. I quickly said my goodbyes and hung up. Since I’m an only child I don’t have any siblings to look up to or to ask for advice. My only friends are the RFA members. I’m seriously alone in all this. I’ve attempted to make new friends, I got friendly with a few women from my yoga class and we’ve gone out for drinks, that was fun. But I always get the feeling that when people find out my husband is a doctor, I get treated differently, so I’ve learned to not trust anyone. I don’t need backstabbing goldiggers surrounding me. I’m a little ashamed for how I’ve managed to get like this. It’s almost like I’m the bitter trophy wife that turned into a pill popping alcoholic. Maybe I should get plastic surgery to complete the stereotype. I mean, I know things are bad when Saeyoung is giving me health advice. He’s the one that found out that I’d been buying prescription drugs for recreational use. I had no choice but to be upfront about it to Yoosung. That conversation didn’t go well. My confession made him cry and when he wanted an explanation I honestly couldn’t give him one. He made me promise I’d stop taking the pills and I complied. Now I’m back to alcohol and the occasional over the counter sleeping pills. I take those when Yoosung texts he’s going to be late because of an emergency, that way I’m asleep when he finally gets home. As I write and read this, I know it sounds terrible. But I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Every day I just go through the motions like an automaton. I still do work for the RFA, I have a part time job at Jaehee’s bakery, and I co-manage an art gallery. If my college student self could glimpse at my present she’d be ecstatic. But the reality is, I feel dead inside. Every day I sink deeper into a sea of void and I don’t know how to swim away from the current that’s dragging me. Yoosung is so bright and cheerful it feels like a burning sun against my cold demeanor. Instead of feeling his warmth it’s more like he’s searing me, it’s painful to be close to him. I don’t hate him but I need space between us. I’m dangerous around him and I know he’s hurting but I can’t bring myself to really care. I just pretend. I’m living a lie. It’s exhausting to say the least. I have no idea how to get through this, but even if I’m shrouded in darkness I keep saying to myself that this is a temporary state and I’ll get over it. I need a little sunshine to break through and save me.

I wish I had a map that could lead me to who I was before. Even if Yoosung is just a veterinarian, he’s still a doctor and I got swept in this whole doctor’s wife lifestyle. I didn’t even notice, until people started to treat me differently just because I’m Mrs. Kim, wife of Dr. Kim. It’s almost as if I didn’t have my own name. Thank God I get to be myself around the RFA members and at the gallery or else who knows what mental state I’d be in right now. It’s just frustrating that I can’t vent with anyone about my marital problems. None of my friends are married and most of them are Yoosung’s friends so they’d be biased towards him. They’d never suggest a divorce. My partner Seong from the gallery said that I just need a makeover and a weekend trip to a spa. It sounded like a great idea so I made an appointment with a hair stylist and I’m going shopping with Zen on his day off. I read an article about happiness being about enjoying the little moments. Hopefully if I focus on that I can make myself feel better. I have to stop relying on alcohol to make me feel happy. I don’t want my husband to send me off to some rehab, he was kind enough to let me talk things out with him when he found out about the drugs I was taking. I don’t want to push him any further, I know he’s not an idiot and he’s very capable of putting his foot down and letting me know when enough is enough. Those instances are quite rare but I wish he’d be more firm and controlling every now and then. I get tired of being the bossy one. About a year ago I had suggested we do some roleplaying for sex, I asked him to be the dominant one. We tried a few times and I enjoyed it but he said it made him a bit uncomfortable. I thought he could ease into that role the more we tried but I always ended up having to switch so I could reach orgasm. That did it for me. I was angry that I couldn’t count on him to give me what I wanted and how I wanted it. Like I said, I get tired of being bossy, sometimes I just want to be ravaged by my husband, but he’s not going to do that. Not for lack of trying, I guess our sex chemistry isn’t compatible. It’s not that I don’t enjoy having sex with him, it’s pleasurable and he knows how to make me feel good, but it’s like ice cream, his favorite flavor is vanilla and sometimes I want a hot fudge sundae.

As far as kinky sex goes, he’s the masochist and I’m the sadist and I’m ok with that, what I’m not ok with is his lack of being a switch. I’d be happy if he were a good sadist and I could be the masochist but I can’t make him enjoy being the dom, he tries but doesn’t last long and it annoys me. Due to that, we haven’t had sex in 3 months. I don’t want to, especially since he insists on not using a condom so we can have a child. Fuck no. It’s been difficult, I think I was happier when my only problems were financial ones. Proof that money can’t buy happiness.


	2. Makeover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC gets a makeover in hopes of cheering herself up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be posted every Wednesday if possible, this fic is posted to tumblr in image form (lined page with handwritten font), same username as here. Thank you for the support, feedback is always welcome.

Dear diary,

It’s amazing the difference a hair cut and color can make on your mood. I got an asymmetric style that’s shoulder length with turquoise bayalage. I shopped with Zen in the Gangnam District and got some cute new outfits and shoes, it was a really fun day. Zen is such a great partner in crime, I really liked going to the stores with him, we got the celebrity treatment, all the store clerks were super helpful and doting since they were starstruck by Zen. I have to go shopping with him more often. It was nice to forget all my troubles, shop mindlessly, and look at pretty things. I didn’t mind at all getting pampered, I got free makeup samples and a free makeover. When Yoosung got home he was shocked by my new look.

“Honey, you look great! How was shopping with Zen?”

“It was a lot of fun, thanks to him I got a free makeover, everywhere we went we were treated like celebrities.”

“I’m glad you had fun. You look stunning.”

He walked up to me and took my hand to squeeze it and placed it on his cheek.

“You know I love you right? I’d do anything to make you happy.”

“I know. You hungry? I made dinner.”

“I’m starving, it was a long day at the hospital.”

“Alright, let’s eat.”

I got dinner served and we sat down to eat.

“Honey, do you remember my friends from yoga class?”

“Sure, what about them?”

“They invited me to go out on Friday, like a girl’s night out kinda thing.”

“Oh, you sure you want to go?”

“Yeah, I think I’m up for it.”

“Ok honey, let me know if you need a ride home.”

“Of course.”

We spent the rest of our dinner in silence. Yoosung volunteered to clean up and then got in the shower. I stayed in the living room checking my social media, when he walked into the living room he was surprised to still see me all dolled up.

“Honey, it’s late, shouldn’t you wash your face?”

“I know, I just, haven’t felt so pretty in a long time, I wanted this to last longer.”

“You’re always beautiful to me.”

“Alright, one more selfie and I’ll shower.”

He gave me a bright smile and headed towards the bedroom.

I stared at the new pictures of myself and wondered. Is that really Mrs. Kim?


	3. Honey Butter Blondies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC works part time at Jaehee's bakery and she made a treat that she knew would attract a certain red headed customer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapters will be posted every Wednesday when possible.

Dear diary,

I woke up early to hit the gym and got a good hour of exercise. I showered and changed right there and got ready for my shift at the bakery. Jaehee greeted with a big smile and complimented my new look.

“That’s a really radical change.”

“Yeah, I wanted something different, I was tired of my old look.”

“What did Yoosung say?”

“He said I looked stunning and that I always look beautiful to him”

“He’s so sweet.”

“Yeah.”

I lowered my gaze and decided to keep myself busy so I went to clean the tables.

“Is something going on with you 2?”

“No, I think I’m just going through an existential crisis.”

I smiled at her and told her not to worry, customers came in at that moment, keeping Jaehee busy. I was grateful for that, I love Jaehee like a sister but I’m not that open with her about my marriage since she’s also Yoosung’s friend. A few hours into my shift the Choi Twins walked in.

“Hiya hey hey!” Saeyoung announced.

“Saeyoung, Saeran, how are you?” Jaehee welcomed.

“Hi boys.” I waved from behind the register.  
“My my my, I thought Jaehee had hired a new employee, but it’s none other than cutie Mrs. Kim.”

“I’m sure you already saw the photos.” I rolled my eyes and he smiled.

Saeran walked up to the counter to look at the menu.

“Hi Saeran, would you like a brownie sundae?” I offered.

“Uh, sure.”

“Alright, 1 brownie sundae, do you want something Saeyoung? We have Honey Butter blondies.”

“Really? I’ll take 1 and whatever is left to go.”

“Saeyoung, you should save some for other customers.” Jaehee chided.

“But if I buy them all, you’ll need to make more and customers will know they’re in high demand.”

“I guess you’re right, fine. You can have the rest to go.” Jaehee conceded.

“Yahooo.” Saeyoung hooted.

“Idiot.” Saeran muttered.

“Just make sure he doesn’t eat them all in one sitting, ok?” I winked at Saeran.

I made his brownie sundae and Jaehee packed the blondies for Saeyoung.

“It was nice to see you, hope you like it.” I smiled brightly and handed Saeran his order.

“Thank you. The blue hair suits you, it reminds me of the sky.” He complimented.

He took his order and sat in one of the booths by the window.

“Holy Honey Buddha Chips, this tastes amazing.” Saeyoung moaned.

“I’m glad you like it, I made them inspired by your favorite snack.”

“Excellent work Mrs. Kim. Your efforts are most definitely appreciated.”

“I wasn’t too keen on the idea but they’ve been selling.” Jaehee sighed.

“Well then you have to give the public what they want, add them to the permanent menu.”

“I’ll leave them on the daily menu for now to see how sales grow before making that decision.”

“Smart and businesslike as always, Jaehee.” Saeyoung uttered.

“She’s the reason the bakery is doing so well.” I added.

“I have excellent help.” She proclaimed.

The twins finished their snacks and said their goodbyes.

“Come back next week for more honey butter blondies.” I called.

Saeyoung pointed finger guns at me and winked, Saeran dragged him away.

It’s nice to see them get along like brothers. I know it wasn’t easy for them to get to that point after everything that happened with Rika. It took a long time to convince Saeran to be part of the RFA, he didn’t feel like it was right and I can’t blame him after all the things he did.

If it weren’t because Yoosung had surgery, he’d still be blind in one eye. Till this day there’s a slight animosity between them. Yoosung insists that he’s forgiven him but I think he’s still haunted by the ghost of Saeran’s past either that or the fact that he still can’t reconcile the destruction that Rika caused. Either of them are probably hanging on to some of the pain, but most likely both. Time heals all wounds and seeing Saeran was a small sign of hope.


	4. Winner, winner, chicken dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC runs into Saeran and she offers him dinner.

Dear diary,

Seong approved of my new look. I wore one of the outfits I bought with Zen, it was a mandarin collar blouse with billowy sleeves in a navy with pink flower print fabric and matching pink pants.

“Girl, you slay. That hair and that outfit, perf.” he praised.

I did a twirl.

“Too bad you’re married, you could snatch a man so easily.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“What’s going on with that husband of yours?”

“I dunno, have you ever eaten something really sweet that you love but get sick of it when you have too much?”

“Damn girl, that bad? Your husband is a cutie.”

“I know, I should be happy and grateful to be with someone that loves me so much.”

“But?”

“It seems like apathy is my default mood.”

“Well, you’ve certainly shown a cold demeanor in the past months.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“At least it didn’t affect work.”

“No, just my marriage.”

“I told you the pills were a bad idea.”

“Yes, thank you for the reminder, but you were more than willing to provide.”

“I’m a businessman, but also your friend.”

“Friends don’t let friends do drugs.”

“Girl, who are you kidding? Friends do drugs together.”

We chuckled and I slapped his back.

“Fine, let’s sell some art, shall we?”

He bowed and led me to the back room. I did the usual inventory and left Seong in the main gallery. It was an uneventful day at work, I did get plenty of compliments from everyone that came in. I think I blushed a few times. There were a few cute guys that tried to hit on me but Seong shooed them away by calling me Mrs. Kim. The look on those guys faces was funny. I stayed with Seong till closing time, dreading the thought of going back home.

“Are you going to be ok hot stuff?”

“I guess.”

“You were slaying today and you know it girl.”

“Yasss. I did feel pretty today.”

“And it shows on your beautiful face. That new hair style is giving you mermaid confidence.”

“Is that a thing?”

“It is now.”

I chuckled. We said our goodbyes and headed out towards our next destinations. When I was walking to my car I bumped into something, I looked down, it was Saeran, crouched in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Sorry, I was lacing up my boots.”

“Hey Saeran, fancy seeing you here.”

He got up and smoothed his hair.

“I was at the library.”

“Did you drive here or did your brother drop you off?”

“He dropped me off.”

“Do you want a ride home or were you headed somewhere else?”

“Nowhere in particular.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Are you buying, Mrs. Kim?”

“Sure, my treat.”

He snickered and did a bow to allow me to walk ahead. I smiled and led him to my car. Once we were in I did a quick search of places nearby to eat until I found one that looked promising, I sent Yoosung a text before starting the car and driving off.

“How was the art gallery?”

“No sales, got a lot of compliments, a few guys tried to hit on me but Seong shooed them away with flair.”

“You look a lot different than before.”

“That’s what I was going for.”

“Any reason in particular?”

“Not really, I wanted to try something different. I was tired of the same thing.”

“What did your husband say?”

“He was shocked when he saw me, I had gotten a makeover after the hair appointment so I was extra dolled up when he got home, he said I looked stunning and that I was beautiful to him either way.”

“He’s a lucky man.”

I nodded and kept driving.

“Do you want fried chicken? There’s a place nearby that sells sweet and spicy chicken.”

“Uh sure, that sounds good.”

“Great, chikin it is.”

“Isn’t your husband waiting for you at home?”

“Isn’t your brother waiting for you to call him to pick you up?”

“Touché.”

“My life is pretty much a routine, so it’s nice to change things up a bit.”

“I know the feeling.”

“I’m glad I bumped into you, I took that as a sign that I should try something different.”

“Instead of having dinner with your husband, you’re with me.”

“Yeah, I see him every day and I don’t see my friends that often.”

“I’m your friend’s brother.”

“And by extension, my friend. Joining the RFA makes you family. You should know this by now.”

“I just have a hard time believing it.”

“It’s ok. Oh look, we made it.”

I parked the car at a nearby street and we walked towards the eatery. Once we made it to the counter I placed our orders: 2 Dakgangjeong with rice and a side of kimchi. I asked if they had banana milk and they said yes so I ordered 2, paid up, and sat at a table, Saeran offered to pick up the order. The food looked delicious, I love fried food. I had heard about that place from Seong, I’ve had takeout before but I always wanted to try the sweet and spicy chicken. And I’m glad I did.

“This is really good, thanks for the food.”

“Oh it’s no problem, glad you like it. This is actually my first time trying the Dakgangjeong. Seong has bought food from here before but he gets the regular fried chicken, he doesn’t like it with sweet sauce.

“Are you a sweet tooth?”

“Hard to deny since I like to bake sweets.”

“I like the sweets you make.”

“Thank you. You’ll have to tell me what’s your favorite so I can make it for your birthday.”

“Choosing just one will be hard.”

“There’s still time for you to think about it.”

“Fair enough.”

“I want Honey Butter Blondies for my birthday.” Saeyoung interjected, taking a seat next to us.

“You’re such a stalker.” Saeran hissed.

“The library closed hours ago and you didn’t call. I was worried.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I didn’t say otherwise.”

“I’m sorry Saeyoung, I should’ve texted you when I picked up your brother, I was going to give him a ride home but we were hungry so we stopped by here.”

“That’s really nice of you.”

“Why don’t I order takeout?” I offered.

“Sure.” Saeran replied.

Saeyoung protested but I insisted, making my way to the counter to order for the twins. I stayed close by to wait for the order as I watched the twins. I had assumed Saeran had texted his brother, clearly I was wrong. Once the order was ready I grabbed it and headed back to the table to finish my food and pack any leftovers.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Saeyoung uttered.

“Of course I did, what are friends for? I highly doubt you made a decent dinner.”

“I can guarantee he didn’t make dinner.” Saeran huffed.

“Fine, I didn’t make dinner. Thank you Mrs. Kim.”

“You’re welcome, and you can call me by name you know.”

“Oh, I know. I just like calling you that.”

“Whatever tickles your fancy, Defender of Justice.”

“There’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.”

“Because nobody call you that, idiot.”

“She just did, though.”

“Whatever man.”

“Alright boys, I’m heading home. Saeran, thank you for walking me to my car and having dinner with me, we should hang out more often. Drive safely God Seven.”

“Will do, cutie Mrs. Kim, say hi to Yoosung for me.”

“See you around MC.”

“Sure, good night boys.”

I took the leftovers and walked towards my car. I texted Yoosung I was on my way home. He was asleep when I got there. I put away the food I brought and what Yoosung had cooked. After a shower and putting on my pajamas, I made it to bed. I felt so exhausted. I didn’t even need to take sleeping pills to fall asleep. When I woke up I felt oddly refreshed. Yoosung left me a note on his pillow that said he left me a bento box and that he took my leftovers for lunch. I got ready to hit the gym. I put the bento in my gym bag before leaving and headed out to the garage. I made it in time for my yoga class and confirmed the girl’s night out on Friday. After that I made it to the bakery for my shift. I was surprised to see Saeyoung walk in alone.

“Hey there Defender of Justice.”

“Why hello, cutie Mrs. Kim.”

“Do you want to try our sweet of the day?”

“Um, sure, but when you have a minute, I wanna talk to you.”

“Alright, when Jaehee comes back I’ll let her know.”

I placed the pastry on a napkin and handed it to him. He asked for another one to go and paid. I turned to get a bag and Jaehee almost bumped into me. We laughed at the blunder and then I told her I was gonna take a break to talk to Saeyoung. I packed the pastry into the paper bag and headed to where he was sitting. I handed him the bag and sat across from him.

“What’s up?”

“I dunno, you tell me.”

His expression was grave.

“I’m not having an affair if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Maybe not now but I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

“Maybe you need a new prescription for your glasses.”

“Look, I know things between you and Yoosung have been rough.”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“And that’s the problem. Your husband doesn’t know what’s wrong with you.”

“That’s because I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“He thinks you’re cheating on him.”

“And I guess he asked you to find proof.”

“Yes. I refused at first but after you nearly attacked him while hopped up on drugs, I’ve been keeping an eye on you, for the safety of you both.”

“Did he tell you why I threw the mug?”

“He did.”

I took a deep breath and sighed.

“I’m tired of the same routine, week after week. But I’ve been making an effort to change that.”

“Is that why you took Saeran out for dinner?”

“Yeah, I bumped into him on my way to the car and saw that as an opportunity to do something different after work.”

“While your husband waited for you with a home cooked dinner.”

“I see him every day Saeyoung. Him making dinner is not something special, it’s almost a daily thing, cooking is a chore, having dinner with a friend is a much rare occurrence. That’s why I got a makeover and went shopping. I need some sort of change before I go crazy from the monotony.”

“Have you spoken to him about it?”

“Not directly. He always tells me that all he wants is to make me happy but lately I just feel bad for his attempts to do so. I need some space.”

“Talk to him.”

“I appreciate your concern. I just don’t know how to feel happy anymore.”

He scrunched his face and sighed.

“Thank you for your help, I’m sorry I haven’t been open about what’s going on, but please understand that I know Yoosung is your friend too so I don’t feel comfortable about discussing private matters.”

“I get it MC, that’s why it’s been hard for me too. I don’t like seeing both of my friends suffer.”

“I’ve been a doting wife for 6 years now, I just feel spent.”

“Why not go on vacation?”

“Because I’d like to go on my own and that doesn’t seem fair for him.”

“Why not? Think of it as a summer camp but for adults, everyone needs alone time.”

“I’m just tired of being Mrs. Kim. I just want to be me.”

“You’re still you.”

“You wouldn’t understand. I’m gonna go back to work.”

“Are you going to talk to Yoosung?”

“Eventually.”

“Okie dokie, well, take care MC. I may be your husband’s friend, but don’t forget I’m also yours.”

“Thanks Saeyoung. Say hi to your brother for me.”

“I will. Thanks for the food, that sweet and spicy chicken was delicious.”

“Yeah, I’m miffed Yoosung stole my leftovers, but he made me a bento so, it’s ok.”

“See you around, MC.”

I got up and waved goodbye to get back to my shift. Jaehee was worried and asked me if everything was ok. I told her that there was nothing wrong, he was just worried about me.

“You know we all care for you, right?”

“I know Jaehee, and that’s why I know everything will be fine.”

She gave me a worried look but I gestured a dismissal and we went back to work. Nothing else happened during my shift, when I got home I showered, made dinner, and waited for Yoosung. I was sitting at the table playing a game on my phone when he arrived.

“Hi honey.” he chirped with a smile.

“Hey sweetie. I made dinner, you hungry?”

I put my phone down and got up to greet him with a peck on the cheek.

“Did you eat already?”

“No, I was waiting for you.”

“Then let’s eat.”

He hung his coat and sat at the table. Once dinner was served and he’d started to eat, I spoke.

“Saeyoung came by the bakery today during my shift and we had a chat, he told me that you suspected me of cheating on you.”

He looked at me wide eyed, then lowered his gaze and sighed.

“You’ve been acting so distant lately, I don’t really know what to think.”

“I know you deserve an explanation and that I haven’t been very forthcoming especially after our last intervention.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“Fine. The truth is, I’m depressed.”

“That’s not really a confession, I could see the signs…”

“Just listen, I took the first step in admitting I have a problem, and it hasn’t been easy. This isn’t PMS or I feel sad or frustrated because of work, it’s depression, as in, I feel empty, void, and meaningless. Saying nice things isn’t going to make me feel better, you’ve tried for months and it’s been in vain. I look at you and feel nothing. Everything I do feels futile. I’m working on feeling better so I didn’t want to worry anyone more than they have.”

“Do you want to see a therapist?”

“No, but if I don’t get better, I’ll consider it.”

“Ok. I”m sorry for doubting you and for pushing the idea of growing our family, I should take care of you first, you’ve been taking care of me all this time, I’m so sorry honey.”

I could see the moisture growing in his eyes yet I felt nothing. I kept eating and he wiped away his tears with his sleeve. We ate in silence. I cleaned up even though he offered, I dismissed him from the kitchen and he said he’d shower. Once I heard the shower running I sat at the kitchen counter, opened a bottle of wine, and cried.


	5. Artist dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gallery's resident artist is vacating the studio space and MC contemplates taking it over herself.

Dear diary,

Girl’s night out was exactly what I expected, alcohol fueled clubbing. I knew I shouldn’t of worn heels but I didn’t fall or break them, that’s a win in my book. It’s really fascinating hearing other housewives talk about their husbands, it makes me appreciate how lucky I am that Yoosung is a kind and loving man that truly loves me. And I’m glad I’m not a superficial snob that’s only married for money, like the kind of women that Jumin avoids. I’m sure a few of them only talk to me because I’m friends with him or Zen, perhaps they hope I’ll invite them to the next RFA party, none of them have anything to contribute, besides juicy gossip. The day after I went to the gallery, Seong pressed me for details about the yoga hosers. I gave him the rundown of the night, which was basically bar hopping and dancing with gossip in between, so I told him tidbits of the housewife club until our resident artist came in. She told us she’s going overseas for 6 months to teach a class and that she was going to empty the studio. So we had to make arrangements to help her move everything to her home. I thought that was the perfect opportunity for me to use the studio. Seong loved the idea.

“Girl, this might be the perfect treatment for you. Instead of selling art, make it. Express yourself. Throw your soul onto canvas.”

“Don’t you think it’s shitty if I’m the resident artist of my own gallery?”

“Of course not, in fact, that’s being an artist. This way you won’t be Mrs. Kim, you’ll be Mi Cha.”

“Mi Cha, resident artist, I like the sound of that.”

“I support your decision.”

“Well, you should, I mean, it’s our gallery, your input is important, this could be a failure in the making. I’m not as talented as Jin Ae.”

“Girl, you should know by now that art is the visual expression of the soul.”

And with that I was convinced that I should take the studio space, that means that in a few days I can start setting up. I get to buy paint, canvas fabric, wood, gesso, and other stuff.

I haven’t felt excited over something in a long time. When I got home I broke the news.

“Something happened at the gallery today.” I squealed.

“What happened?”

“Jin Ae is moving out of the studio space and I’m taking it instead. I’m going to be the new resident artist at the gallery.”

“That’s great honey. Wow, I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m going to start buying materials and I should be ready to set up in a couple of days.”

“Do you need any help?”

“I’ll let you know if I do, Seong will be helping me so I think I’m good.”

“Alright honey, well if there’s anything I can get for you, you can set up a wishlist and I’ll buy it.”

“Thanks sweetie.”

Yoosung has always been supportive in my endeavors, he bought me yarn when I was knitting, he chose the colors he wanted for a scarf I ended up making for him, and the same with sewing, he bought me the serger I needed to finish the clothes I was making, and when I was learning to bake he bought recipe books. I never ask him to buy me anything, I have my own salary, I don’t mind when he splurges on me because it’s always useful things, I don’t like trinkets. Jumin might suggest gifting diamonds but I’m not that kind of girl, I’m not interested in fine jewelry, it’s not that I don’t own any, I’ve bought a few sets that I happened to like for when I have to dress formal. I’m a fairly modest person, sure I just went on a shopping spree not to long ago on bought some designer clothes but I don’t do that often, even so I like to think I have a good sense of taste. I’m also conscientious, the clothes I bought are by local designers, I always try to support local economy, after all, I work at 2 local businesses.

It didn’t take long for my husband to tell everyone in the messenger about my news, everyone congratulated me and Jumin asked if there’d be an art opening, I told him that it depends how long I take to get some pieces together. Of course everyone will be invited to my opening. Zen called me to praise my achievement, I was touched by the gesture. I have a good feeling about this, I finally have something to look forward to.


	6. A place of her own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC thinks about livestreaming and contacts the Choi twins for help.

Dear diary,

I’ve officially moved in to the studio. On my first day I had Seong help me cut wood and assemble a few canvases in different sizes, spent the whole afternoon priming them and regretted in the process that I made a large one, I didn’t get to finish them all but I felt an overwhelming sense of satisfaction when I was cleaning up. I stared at the room filled with the newly stretched canvases waiting to be primed and I felt the corners of my lips turning up into a smile. On my second day I got to finish priming and went to the art supply store to get some essentials and then to the hardware store. Since I made a large canvas I wanted to buy some big brushes and a few paint buckets. Seong helped me unload everything and I started to work on my first piece. Time flew by when I was painting, I jumped when Seong informed me it was closing time. I called Yoosung to inform him I wouldn’t be going home that night, I wanted to stay at the studio and that I would probably be coming home less frequently, he said he understood, in quite the sullen voice, but I told him not to worry.

“Honey, I’m just a phone call away and you can swing by if you want.”

“I wouldn’t want to interrupt you.”

“Thank you for being understanding, I feel good here.”

“Alright, I’ll miss you but if this is what’s good for you, I’ll be supportive.”

“Thanks sweetie, could you bring me a change of clothes?”

“Of course, do you need anything else?”

“I can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll let you know.”

We hung up. I decided to clean up since it was too late to keep painting, I added daylight lamps to the list of things I need and then I got the brilliant idea of calling Saeyoung.

“Defender of Justice, I need your help.” I said dramatically.

“I, 707, Defender of Justice will aid fair maidens in their quest for art and love.”

“I want to set up the studio for live streaming, I’d like for you to come and assess what things I need so I can buy them and you can set everything up.”

“Sure, when can I stop by?”

“If you’re not busy, can you come tonight? I’ll be staying at the gallery.”

“You’re spending the night there?”

“Yeah, I called Yoosung to bring me a change of clothes, I’m waiting for him to stop by.”

“Alright, yeah, I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Did you eat?”

“Yeah, I ate something.”

“Bring your brother, I’ll order sweet and spicy chicken.”

“But I had dinner.”

“Liar” I heard Saeran shout in the background.

“Alright, then I’ll see you both at the gallery and we’ll have dinner.”

“Yes, Mrs. Kim.” Saeyoung replied solemnly.

“Drive safely, please.”

“Sure thing.”

Yoosung arrived a few minutes after I had hung up with Saeyoung. I went outside to greet him, he didn’t get out of the car so he lowered the window, I pecked his cheek and he gave me a little smile. He pointed to my gym bag that was on the passenger side and I went to get it. I thanked him. He asked if I had eaten and I said no but that the twins were coming over to help me set up my computer and I offered to buy them dinner.

“When I get the live streaming set up, you can watch me paint from your phone.”

“That sounds like a great idea honey.”

“I got the idea thanks to you when I called you earlier, you said you’d miss me since I’m not at home, this way I can promote my art and you can see me while I work.”

“Awww honey, well I’m glad I could help spark the idea. Stay safe and good night.”

“Thanks sweetie, good night.”

He drove off once I was inside the gallery and locked the doors. Since I had some time I took a shower and went to the pharmacy to get some things, I needed a toothbrush, deodorant, stuff like that. Seong already did me the favor of changing the sheets on the bed, and getting towels. I guess he knew I was going to stay there. I tried to hurry at the pharmacy so that I could go get the food and reach the gallery before the twins arrived but they were waiting for me when I got there. They had sent a text when I was on my way back so I didn’t reply back since I was driving.

“Sorry guys, I had to buy some stuff before getting the food.”

“It’s ok MC.” Saeyoung said and helped me get the bags out of my car. I handed Saeran the takeout so I could open the door and we stepped inside, I locked up and led them to the back-room where I usually have lunch. I had to get another chair since there were only 2 at the table and when I got back everything was served.

Me: “Thanks for coming.”

Saeran: “Thanks for dinner.”

Saeyoung: “Did Yoosung stop by?”

Me: “Yeah, he did. I told him you guys were coming over.”

Saeran: “And what did he say?”

Me: “I explained the live streaming idea and that I asked for your help, he said that it sounded great, and I told him I offered to buy dinner.”

Saeyoung: “As long as he knows what’s going on, it’s ok.”

Me: “You make it sound like I’m trying to hide something.”

Saeyoung: “It wouldn’t be the first time if you did.”

Me: “True, but this is different. I actually got the idea thanks to Yoosung.”

Saeran: “How so?”

Me: “Since he thought I was cheating on him, I thought I could live stream myself painting and that way Yoosung can watch what I’m doing while I’m here and I’m promoting my art at the same time, it’s a win-win situation.”

Saeyoung: “That’s pretty clever. Are you sure about this?”

Me: “Yeah, I hope it’ll bring new visitors to the gallery.”

Saeran: “You should increase security as well.”

Me: “And that’s where you boys come in. Now that you know what I’m planning, I need you to help me do this. Whatever things I need to buy, I’ll make a list or if you need money to get specific parts, just let me know. I’m willing to pay for your services so look at this as a job.”

Saeyoung: “So does this qualify as a business meeting?”

Me: “I guess. If I were to hire someone I’d rather it be my friends, people I trust, besides, I know you’re both more than qualified to do what I asked.”

Saeyoung: “What do you think Saeran? Do you accept the job?”

Saeran: “Sure.”

Me: “Thank you so much you guys. I can show you everything that can be useful and give you a tour, and that way you can give me a preliminary assessment. I’ll let Seong know what I’m up to and he’ll take care of the paperwork and arrangements for whatever I hand him.”

Saeyoung: “How very professional Mrs. Kim.”

Me: “Why thank you Mr. Choi, it will be a pleasure doing business with you.”

He chuckled and I gave them a warm smile. After dinner I showed them around as promised, I had taken with me my notebook from the office and wrote down everything they suggested.

Me: “Don’t worry about the lighting equipment, I’ll have Seong contact someone, I just need you to help with the technical and security stuff.”

Saeran: “You’re pretty knowledgeable yourself.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, you figured out most of it on your own.”

Me: “I guess, but I needed a professional opinion, and there’s no one else I can think of that would help me best than you guys.”

Saeyoung: “Awwww, you’re so sweet, you know that? I accept the compliment.”

Saeran: “When can we start?”

Me: “I need to speak with Seong first and he’ll call you, give me a number he can use to reach you, I’ll be at the bakery tomorrow, in case he says you can come while I’m not here, we’ll keep in touch either way.”

Saeyoung: “Alright. I’m really proud of you. I wish you the best.”

Me: “Thanks, I feel good about this.”

I led them outside and we parted ways with a business bow. I locked up and headed towards the bed. It had been an exhausting day, but even if my body felt spent, it didn’t bother me in the least. I had found something to hold on to in the sea of darkness that had been dragging me deeper into the void. I’m no longer drowning, it finally feels like I’m able to breathe without fear.


	7. Satisfaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC has grown fond of painting landscapes with skies and live streaming it. Yoosung has felt her absence in the house.

Dear diary,

I read a book that said “You need the dark in order to show the light.” and I found those words to be resonating with me lately. I’ve discovered something in painting during this stage of my life that I didn’t before. Something is different, I’m different, my art is different. My first 3 pieces are landscapes and the most captivating part to me are the skies. Yoosung called them skyscapes, I like the sound of that, it wasn’t planned, I just let myself flow. Thanks to the twins I’ve been livestreaming my painting sessions and slowly getting followers, the gallery website has tripled in traffic, proof that I’m doing something right, either that or Saeyoung made a bot. The RFA members have all tuned in to watch me paint, Saeyoung and Zen have been my top cheerleaders while Yoosung and Saeran are my fan boys and moderators, I let them in charge of the chat, I made some basic rules of etiquette, so far only Saeyoung has been kicked out of the chat by his brother whenever he acts like silly 707, that’s when I have to call him out and he starts behaving again because obviously he can’t be blocked, but Saeran has offered to handcuff him. Shenanigans aside, the support for my art has been very overwhelming. I’m motivated to paint all the canvases I have so I can start putting them up at the gallery. I’ll soon have a preliminary date for the opening so that Seong can start organizing the promo. I even got more creative with my baking, I made cloud shaped marshmallows and sky blondies, they’re light blue marbled with white chocolate. I’m really lucky Jaehee lets me be creative for the daily menu. People really liked the sky theme and I was elated. I’ve been staying at the studio on nights I have to work at the bakery the next day since I can walk there from the gallery. I’ve been skipping the gym by doing that but I do get to enjoy a lovely walk, rain or shine. I’m not fussy about rainy weather, I just dress accordingly, sometimes the clouds need to cry too and that’s ok.

I’ve seen some improvement in my mood, not so much in my marriage. I still don’t feel love when I see my husband but I attempted to be intimate. Last Saturday when I got home Yoosung was making dinner and he was acting a little odd, I’m not sure I can even explain adequately but he felt a bit predatory when I was in the bedroom organizing the laundry. He stood behind me and hugged me tightly, leaned his face to my ear and whispered “I missed you so much.” Now this wasn’t something strange, but it was the timbre of his voice that was odd, it was sultry, dripping of desire. I stopped what I was doing and shivered. When I snapped back to reality, I decided to play along. “What did you miss most?” He licked the shell of my ear and breathed “All of you.” I let go of the clothes I was holding and turned to face him. His eyes were half closed and his lips looked moist, I placed my index finger on his bottom lip and he sucked on it, moaning softly. I could feel the corners of my lips turning up. “Are you having me for dinner?” I teased. “I want to devour you.” he growled. “Are you the wolf Zen warned me about?” I taunted. “Maybe I’m tired of being a cute puppy.” he countered. I arched my eyebrow and provoked him by saying “Prove it.” he didn’t waste time on grabbing my shoulders and dragging me to the bed, pinning me down and kissing me with a passion I hadn’t felt in years. I could get used to that, it was a good starting point. When I tried to lift my shirt he grabbed my wrists and tutted, shaking his head to discourage my movements. I nodded and he undressed me with fervor. I never imagined he could be so rough, it was a welcome change. I made him put a condom on and we had sex for the first time in 4 months. He climaxed before I did but since I was still under him he lifted my torso to embrace me and kept thrusting, squeezing my butt to pull me into him over and over, I angled my hips and when he hit my sweet spot I moaned, he kept his pace and I kept grinding on him until I orgasmed with a loud gasp while I dug my nails on his back and he moaned along with me, I felt him twitch inside me as my walls clenched around him. We were both panting, he pulled out carefully, making sure the condom stayed on and went to the bathroom. I sat there in a slight daze, analyzing what had just happened. He fucked me. He really fucked me. I was smiling when he entered the room and sat next to me.

“You’re smiling.”

“I am.”

“I’m glad.”

“I always wanted my husband to fuck me senseless. I hope it doesn’t take me depriving you of sex for months so that this occasion may repeat itself.”

“I think I learned my lesson. You wanted me to be more dominant and I was hesitant in the past, that left you unsatisfied, to the point that you didn’t want me anymore.”

“Well, the point of having sex for pleasure is seeking satisfaction, I got tired of coddling you and being bossy.”

“I know. It’s my fault for things reaching this point. I’m trying to rectify my mistakes.”

“I guess this is a step in the right direction.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know. I’m still not all there and I’m working with my feelings, just bear with me, will you?”

“I’ll do anything for you.”

“Then let’s eat dinner, shall we?”

“Shit, dinner.”

He ran out of the room and I chuckled. It was a good jumpstart to our marriage but I’m not sure if it’s enough to ignite the flame that once burned brightly.


	8. Livestream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung gets jealous during a livestream.

Dear diary,

The date for my opening as resident artist has been announced. 2 weeks from now, my paintings will be displayed to the public and I’ll be accepting commissions. It’s exhilarating how my life changed so quickly in such a short amount of time after years of apparent monotony. I no longer feel like the doctor’s wife, I’m starting to be my own person again, and with the new exhibition I’ll be Mi Cha the artist, not Mrs. MC Kim. My relationship with Yoosung is still precarious. I really don’t know what to do about it, on my last livestream Saeran was online as my moderator like always and he said something that got Yoosung a bit riled up. A portion of the chat that day:

Saeran: I could watch you paint all day.

Me: Thank you, I’m really glad you like it.

Yoosung: Just don’t get too close.

Seong: Oooh, don’t be jelly Dr. Kim. Art is supposed to be relaxing and its beauty to be shared.

Saeran: How cute, the little puppy trying to mark his territory.

Jin Ae: LOL you guys, there’s no need to bicker. Just focus on the painting, it’s turning out beautiful Mi Cha! I love those warm colors of the sunset.

Yoosung: I don’t need to try anything.

Saeran: Oh no? Jealousy only proves you’re insecure.

Me: Thank you Jin Ae. I really like how the colors turned out. Guys, wrong place for this. Either stop or I’ll have 707 boot you.

Yoosung: Fine. I’ll see you at home.

Saeran: Be a good puppy and obey your master.

Jin Ae: Why does he call him a puppy?

Seong: Girl, it’s best not to know. But Dr. Kim happens to be a veterinarian.

Me: Saeran, stop.

Jin Ae: Oh, and is he your boyfriend?

Saeran: Fine.

Me: Something like that.

Seong: Mi Cha is the Mrs. Kim to Dr. Kim.

Jin Ae: Wow, you’re married? But you’re so young.

Seong: She looks young but don’t be fooled by her appearance.

Me: Thank you Seong. Jin Ae, you’re welcome to visit the upcoming opening, my biography will be posted along with descriptions for each painting.

Jin Ae: I’m sorry if I seemed nosy but sure, I’d love to go.

Seong: We’ll send you an invitation.

Me: It’s fine, I just like to keep my personal life separate.

Jin Ae: I guess it’s hard when your husband pops in to see your livestream.

Me: I don’t mind, I just don’t like to talk about my personal life.

My husband was not enthused by what happened in the chat, he’s matured since we first met all those years ago when it was cute to call him a puppy. I felt somewhat annoyed, especially when Seong was the one that said that I was married, I couldn’t even admit that I was married to Yoosung. It was a difficult argument that I knew wouldn’t end well.

Me: Honey, I don’t need to talk about my private life in public.

Yoosung: You’re ashamed of me.

Me: I don’t want to be defined by my title. I used to be someone before I became Mrs. Kim. This isn’t about you. It’s about me growing as a person and artist. I helped you become a wonderful veterinarian by inspiring you to be a better person. I wish the same for myself.

Yoosung: I want you to be successful and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I do, but Saeran got on my nerves and you couldn’t even admit I’m your husband. What am I supposed to think?

Me: Maybe if you’ve listened to me when I told you I’m depressed, we wouldn’t be having this argument. Why are you demanding anything from me? I’m tired and don’t feel like it’s fair to give you an excuse for something that’s inconsequential. I don’t need a jealous husband, what I want is a supportive man that treats me like a queen and fucks me like a whore.

He stared at me wide eyed, in shock, he opened his mouth to say something but closed it. I took that opportunity to grab my purse and turn my back on him.

Me: I’m going back to the studio. I don’t want to be in the same room as you.

He begged me to stay but I slapped his hand away.

Me: I’m not your property. I finally found something that fills me with peace, I’d rather be there than have to deal with you.

Yoosung: MC, please.

Me: No Yoosung, I’ve been loyal Mrs. Kim for 6 years, let me be Mi Cha. I’m tired.

Yoosung: Are you leaving me?

Me: No. I’m just taking a break to figure out my emotions.

Yoosung: Can you send me a text when you get there?

Me: Fine.

I left the house. I haven’t gone back yet. I can’t bring myself to go home. It’s been 3 days, every time I remember his teary eyes from our last conversation I feel annoyed. I know that psychology isn’t his forte, but he shouldn’t have pressured me. Seong thinks I overreacted. Maybe he’s right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel no love or passion for my husband. When I think about the last time we had sex I wonder if our relationship is worth saving. I’m just not in the best shape to make tough decisions like that right now. I started a new project that’s going well, I don’t need additional stress. I can’t hide forever, I know I have to face him eventually, I just hope our next conversation doesn’t end with me storming off again.


	9. A friend in need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC is living at the studio, one day she encounters Saeran at the park and they have a friendly conversation.

Dear diary,

I love my friends, but since my husband and I share most of them, they’re not doing me any favors by telling me to patch things up with Yoosung and move back to the house. I don’t want to be insensitive and outright say that I have no feelings for my husband. I’m not even sure what’s up with me which makes things harder to explain. I can’t say anything about stuff I don’t fully understand. A few things I’ve noticed since I’ve been living at the studio is just how possessive Yoosung really is. I mean, it’s normal to get a little jealous but I didn’t realize how passive/aggressive and manipulative he can be. No wonder I felt suffocated at the house. Now that I want to ignore him completely for a while, he’s purposely trying to contact me by any means possible, it’s ridiculous. He even showed up at the bakery during my shift. I had to be patient, sit down with him, take a deep breath, and explain that the more he tried to contact me, the angrier I was going to get. Short piece of the conversation:

Me: The more you stalk me, the lesser are your chances of seeing me come back home.

Yoosung: I miss you and I’m worried, what else can I do?

Me: You could try paying attention to what I said and leave me alone. I don’t want to see you. You’re not helping me overcome anything, on the contrary, you’re stressing me out.

Yoosung: Why don’t we see a therapist?

Me: I already told Jumin that I wasn’t interested. I have to go to work now and I’m sure you do too Dr. Kim.

He sat there looking dejected. I stood up and went back to the register. He slowly got up and left. When Jaehee asked what had happened I shook my head. She put a hand on my shoulder and offered me some words of hope that everything will be OK. I shrugged in response. I didn’t feel like talking about Yoosung anymore. I asked Jaehee if I could take time off and with a worried look she said “Of course.” We discussed the details during lunch. I mostly used the art opening as my excuse and she didn’t pressure me for details. The stress is probably tattooed on my face. But if I cancel my shifts for the week before the opening, I’ll be a little bit saner. I like working at the bakery but right now I feel like hiding from my friends as well. I don’t want to be around people that ask me about my marriage instead of my work. It makes me feel a little guilty but dammit I have to think about myself. At least I’m not wallowing in sadness and drinking myself to sleep. I’ve turned my depression into something productive and that takes a lot of courage and willpower I’d never thought I had. Yesterday I went to the park that’s close to the gallery. I thought a walk would be a good idea, for reference image, leisure, and moderate exercise. I sat at one of the benches and looked up at the sky. After a while I heard a creepy voice calling my name and when I jumped I heard sinister laughter. Saeran came into view.

“Of course it’s you.”

He chuckled and sat next to me.

“I couldn’t help myself.”

“Are you here to kidnap me? I don’t think I’d mind this time.”

He narrowed his eyes and I sighed.

“Oh? A little too eager, too late. You always did make bad decisions when depressed.”

“Why are you here?”

“I like to visit this park after going to the library. You’re sitting on my usual bench.”

“Oh.”

“Let me ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“What made you want to paint landscapes?”

I pulled my bottom lip with my thumb and index finger out of habit to ponder his question.

“I stared at the blank canvas and was slowly adding color, I started seeing mountains so I added a sky and kept adding detail. Next thing I knew I had 3 landscape paintings or like my husband calls them, skyscapes.”

“Skyscapes is a great word to describe them. You paint beautiful skies.”

“Thanks. It’s been a therapeutic experience, I’ve always loved nature, the vibrant colors and different textures always catch my attention.”

“Is that why your hair is the color of the sky?”

“Maybe. Blue is a calming color. I used to love going to the beach. Seeing the different shades of blue in the ocean and sky always put a smile on my face. I guess I missed that feeling so much I ended up painting it.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Are you buying Mr. Choi?”

“Yeah.”

I smiled a little and nodded, standing up when he did and followed him. It felt different this time when we walked. I’m so used to being the one in control that it felt nice to be led. The silence between us was comfortable, something not possible with his brother. Saeran doesn’t speak unless he means something and I was grateful he didn’t ask questions about my personal life. We went to a noodle stand and I let him order for me. We sat at a corner and watched as they made the noodles and prepared our dish. We ate japchae and it was really good. Once we had our fill I followed him once again.

“Do you want to head back to the gallery?”

“I have a better idea.”

“OK.”

I grabbed his hand and led him a few blocks from where we were and turned left, I took him to an ice cream shop.

“Do you have room for dessert?” I asked.

“Sure.”

I let go of his hand, realizing it was in a firm grip and we walked inside.

“Let me guess your favorite.” I teased.

“I already know yours.”

“Oh really? What is it?”

“You like red bean.”

“Correct. And you like taro, right?”

“Close enough. I don’t really have a favorite but I like taro.”

I smiled brightly and ordered our ice creams. I got us cones so we could eat and walk.

“Do you need a ride back home or is your brother picking you up?”

“My bike is parked near the library.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you had one.”

“My brother had posted a picture recently.”

“Ah, I haven’t logged into the messenger much lately.”

“I put it together by parts, it’s something I’d been working on and off, finished it not too long ago, all it needed was a paint job.”

“That’s really impressive. Maybe you can give me a ride some time.”

“You’ll need a helmet.”

“Of course.”

We had finished our ice creams and continued walking. He took off his leather jacket and propped it on my shoulders. I looked up at him and saw a crooked smirk on his face, I nodded and put on his jacket. It was getting cold, evidence that I had been out longer than I originally intended.

“Such a gentleman.”

He shrugged and tucked his hands in his pockets.

“Do you ever think about how your life would’ve been like if you hadn’t joined the RFA?” I asked.

“Do YOU?”

“Of course. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve been better off if I’d just deleted the mysterious app from my phone. You were right when you said I make bad decisions when I’m depressed.”

“Like marrying Yoosung?”

“I wasn’t depressed when I married him. It’s not like you did any better.”

“I guess not. I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I hadn’t joined the RFA. I honestly never thought I’d live this long. When I was little I constantly lived in fear for my life.”

“That must’ve been terrible.”

“It was. My brother has never mentioned it?”

“No. I’ve never asked him about his personal life beyond things he’s talked about. I respect people’s privacy, I know bits and pieces from things he’s mentioned but I don’t like to pry.”

“Our father didn’t like to be blackmailed by our mother so for years he tried to get rid of us.”

“That’s really horrible. Did you ever forgive him?”

“In a way, yes. I can understand his motives even if I don’t agree with his methods.”

“How mature of you.”

He shrugged his shoulders. I could see the street where the gallery is.

“Thank you.” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For being my friend.”

“Of course. You’re the only one from the RFA that doesn’t badger me with questions about Yoosung. I like hanging out with you. I don’t know why we’d never done this before.”

“Because your husband doesn’t like me and wants you for himself.”

“You can’t blame him for not liking you. You were his cousin’s servant and you tortured him. He idolized her so much, he was jealous that she chose you instead of him.”

“She wanted to bring him in, but to do that she needed him to know pain before offering him salvation. I was already broken.”

“Do you still feel broken?”

“Sometimes. Scarred would be the most accurate description.”

I nodded and looked at his face. I couldn’t read his expression but I smiled at him anyway. He winked and turned his face to keep looking ahead. We made it to the gallery’s front door.

“Thank you for walking me back.”

“Any time.”

“I had fun, thank you so much for supporting me, you’ve been a big help during the livestreams.”

“You’re one of the few people that doesn’t treat me like a social pariah.”

“Well of course. Who am I to judge you? Every person has their story and your brother trusts you, I’m a little saddened that we’ve really haven’t talked much all these years.”

“We’ve never been alone before until now.”

“I guess, but I talk to everyone from the RFA, including you.”

“In person, yes, briefly. I don’t really engage in conversation with others around.”

“Ah, well. Good night Saeran.”

“Good night Mrs. Kim.”

He chuckled and I sighed while I opened the door, I went inside and locked it. My heart was racing for some reason. It had been a long day, when I checked my phone I had 20 text messages, most of them from Saeyoung, the rest from Yoosung. I didn’t feel like answering anybody whose name ended with -ung so I took a shower and got ready for bed. My phone had a new notification when I was connecting it to the charger. It was a text from Saeran that read “Sweet dreams.”, I could feel a smile forming on my lips and a warm sensation coursing through my body that gave me goose bumps. I chuckled to myself and sent him a reply. “You too.” I logged into the messenger to see if my husband was online and he was.

[Me: Wanted to pop in to say good night. I had a bunch of texts from Saeyoung.]

[Yoosung: Did you see mine?]

[Zen: Is everything OK? Are you fine?]

[Me: I glanced them when I got to the studio, I went straight to the shower and forgot to reply so I logged in now. I’m fine. I went out for a walk and spent more time outside than I expected.]

[Yoosung: I’m glad you’re back safe. Good night honey.]

[Me: Good night. Take care Zen.]

[Zen: Good night MC.]

I didn’t mention I was out with Saeran. I didn’t mean to leave that detail behind. I wasn’t trying to hide anything, I just didn’t feel like talking to my husband in the first place. I logged into the chat for his benefit. As long as he knows I’m OK, he’ll do his best to give me the space I need. I want more time to figure out my thoughts and feelings. Maybe after the opening I’ll be less stressed out. For now, I’m lucky to have a friend that keeps me distracted from my problems.


	10. Art connoisseur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC is getting ready for the opening. Saeran invites her to the library to check out an Art History book.

Dear diary,

The art opening is just a few days away and I’m a nervous wreck. Maybe it was a mistake taking days off from the bakery, at least if I were there working I could be keeping myself busy with baking, cleaning, or chatting with customers. I tried inviting Zen for a shopping trip but he’s busy with rehearsals so I invited Su Mi for a hair appointment, I want to retouch my hair color and get my nails done. She was more than willing to accompany me so I’m looking forward to that tomorrow, we’ll meet up with the rest of the yoga hosers for happy hour. I may not be a fan of the housewives club but I could use the entertainment they provide and it’s tolerable with alcohol.

Everything is set for the opening. Yesterday I picked up the frames with Seong and we spent the afternoon mounting all the canvases. Seeing them on display was exciting. All the invitations have been sent and the twins have been promoting the event online. Jumin has offered his security for the event to help with crowd control in case the amount of people exceed the space. I doubt that’ll happen but he said it’s better to be prepared just in case and I can’t argue with his logic. Since I’ve had free time I’ve gone to the house to make a dress while Yoosung was at work. It had been a while since I last made something for myself, my measurements are the same so it was easy to whip up a pattern. I bought a sheer navy blue fabric with a sparkly texture and I had some navy stretch fabric so I made a simple off shoulder dress with the sheer fabric draped over it. The stretch fabric hugs my curves and the sheer fabric is loose and flowy. Now I just need a pair of shoes to match. I gave Seong a sample of the fabrics so he can check the boutiques around his house, he said he’d send a picture if he finds anything. My backup plan is to wear my silver strappy sandals but I’d prefer to find a closed toe shoe. I took Yoosung’s dress clothes to the dry cleaners, I thought he’d appreciate that he’ll be matching with me, he has a navy suit by Angre Kim I had bought for him last year that matches the navy stretch fabric I had bought, I added an accent to his tie with the sheer sparkly fabric that I used for my dress to further compliment his outfit with mine. I didn’t expect to have the fabric in storage for so long, I intended to use it sooner to make a dress but the occasion finally came. It was supposed to be for last year’s RFA party but Jumin wanted all of us to dress in red so I ended up buying red outfits for the both of us, leaving the navy suit and fabric for my dress in the closet. I left him a note that his clothes are at the cleaners so he can pick them up and told him where to find the tie. He sent me a text this morning saying thank you and that he was ecstatic to see me. I replied with a winky face. Maybe it’s because I’m on PMS but I feel emotional compared to my usual apathetic self. If I felt nothing towards my husband, now I feel sadness. Not sure if that’s an improvement but at least I feel something. What’s starting to worry me is what I feel when I’m with Saeran. He asked me if I wanted to go to the library with him, there’s an art history book he thought I’d be interested in so I figured it was a good idea. I’ve been married for 6 years and have gone out with friends plenty of times, but I’d never felt so nervous around someone before. It’s almost like an overnight kind of thing because I had been with him just a few days ago and I didn’t feel any different, but today, it was something else. He came to the gallery where I was waiting for him at the front desk and when he walked in, my stomach did a little flip and I smiled nervously. He asked if I was ready and I stammered the words “Yeah, I’m ready.” I mentally cursed myself for stammering, I mean, what the serious fuck? Even Seong arched an eyebrow, I giggled like a schoolgirl and got up quickly to skip towards the door. Saeran asked if I was OK and I nodded furiously, offering a reassuring smile afterwards. He shrugged his shoulders and we walked to the library. He had reserved the book, I sat at a table to wait, fidgeting anxiously, wishing I still had my chill pills to relax. When he placed the book on the table it thudded and I jumped.

“You’re jittery today. Too much coffee?”

“Probably one too many espressos.” I lied.

“The book is about art in the Netherlands, it has a lot of pictures of landscape paintings I thought you’d might be interested in. One of your paintings reminded me of one of them. Take a look and guess which one.”

“You’ve read this book before I started painting?”

“Not this one, but I’d seen pictures of the painting before. I like landscape art.”

“Oh? So are you an art connoisseur?”

“Probably not as much as you but I know what I like. I started reading about stuff like this a few years ago after watching some guy with big hair make landscapes.”

“Was it Bob Ross?”

“Yeah, that guy.”

“I like Bob Ross too. Have you ever tried painting?”

“Not on canvas. I painted my motorcycle, but that’s different.”

“If you’re interested you can come to the studio and paint.”

“I’ll think about it.”

I looked at the book and took pictures with my phone at the paintings I found interesting. I found the picture that looked similar to mine, it’s by Van der Neer. I snapped my fingers to get his attention, he was reading a book and looked up at me, I glimpsed his stare and immediately looked down at the book in my hands to hide my sudden shyness. I pointed at the picture on the page I was looking at.

“Is this the one?”

“Yes. Your moonlight painting reminded me of that one.”

“I can see why, Van der Neer is known for his nocturnal scenes.”

“Good to know.”

“You come here a lot.”

“It’s quiet and I like to read without interruptions.”

“Yeah. It’s peaceful. Thank you for showing me this.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’ll have to visit more often.”

I glanced his face and saw him smile faintly and I smiled as well.

“I should get back.” I stammered.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m anxious. The opening is soon and I have a lot on my mind. I should head back before Seong leaves.”

“OK.”

He took the books and put them on the cart and we left. My palms were getting sweaty, I really hated feeling so vulnerable but there was something thrilling about being next to him that when we got back to the gallery I could’ve sworn my heart skipped a beat when he opened the door for me. I waved awkwardly goodbye and he bowed, wishing me good luck on his way out. Seong came in just as Saeran was leaving.

“Girl, did you just come back from a business meeting or a date?”

“It looked like a date, didn’t it?”

“If I didn’t know you, I’d say that was a date with a sexy bad boy, especially the way you’ve been acting around him, I think you’ve got a crush on him.

“It’s not like that, at least it wasn’t. I don’t know, he came in today and I… something came over me.”

“Girl, the way that man entered this gallery looking all hot stuff with his bad boy, drop dead gorgeous look, even I was swooning.”

“Maybe it’s the lighting, I never noticed how sexy he is.”

“Are you blind? He’s always been that sexy. Not like Zen, but hot in his own category.”

“I’m not blind, he and his brother are handsome, I know that, but I guess I’ve never… Ugh, what am I doing?”

“You’ve always been with your husband when the Chois are near you, right?”

“Yeah, except when I’m at the bakery, but until I started using the studio, I don’t think I’d ever been in the same room with them on my own.”

“But you’re with Jaehee at the bakery, a fellow friend and RFA member. That means Dr. Kim has always been your alpha male, guarding you from other men and now that you’re away from him, you’re unguarded. The twins wouldn’t try anything with you if your friends are around.”

“I guess, Saeyoung is Yoosung’s best friend, he would never hit on me. but Saeran, well, there’s never been a chance for me to really get to know him. I know my husband is possessive, I noticed when I started going to the gym. I switched to the female program because I didn’t feel comfortable with the men ogling me and Yoosung’s attitude made it easier to make the choice.”

“You know the only reason he likes me is because he knows I’ll never sleep with you.”

“I know. I realized how controlling he is since I’ve been living here.”

“So you HAVE been living here. Sneaky woman. What other secrets have you been keeping to yourself?”

“That wasn’t much of a secret, it’s obvious I’ve been sleeping at the studio. But it’s safe to say that it’s not the first time I go out with him.”

“Naughty Mrs. Kim, having an affair? Didn’t think you’d take a page out of the yoga hosers book. Trying to score points for the housewives club?”

“I’m not cheating, it’s been strictly amicable, same as hanging out with any other friend.”

“You don’t blush and stammer when you see a friend.”

“That was just today.”

“Is it your hormones? When’s the last time you got a good pounding?”

“A month or so.”

“With your husband?”

“Of course with my husband. I’ve never cheated on Yoosung.”

“That’s what you say now.”

“Stop it, Seong. It’s bad enough I suddenly feel weird around Saeran.”

“Girl, I always feel weird around him. He’s got a strange vibe, he’s cute to look at though.”

“Yeah, he IS cute. He’s got a strange vibe because he’s a complicated person with a tragic past. He’s something else alright.”

“Maybe that’s what makes him so alluring.”

“Maybe. Why did it have to be him though?”

“You mean because your husband hates him? You can’t control who you fall for.”

“He doesn’t really hate him. They just have a complicated history.”

“All your friends are really interesting people.”

“Thanks. My life has never been boring thanks to them.”

“It’s time to close. I’m gonna get my ass home to watch my stories, take care of yourself, ok? Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I’ll try not to. Good night Seong.”

I watched him leave, locking the door behind him. He was right, I had a crush on Saeran. I don’t want to believe it but I can’t ignore it, not after acting like a blundering fool in front of him. It reminded me when I was in high school, I had a crush on a boy named Jun and every time he was near me I’d spaz out. It’s really frustrating that I’ve regressed to that person, at least in this sense. With the art opening, my marriage, and Saeran, I feel like the ocean that was drowning me is getting hit by a storm.


	11. Life vs Career

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC recounts her success at the art opening and agrees to see a marriage counselor.

Dear diary,

When my personal life was going well, I was unfulfilled with my career, but now it’s the complete opposite, I’m happy with the work I’m doing and my relationship is a big fucking mess. Why is it so hard to balance work and marriage? I once read that if a marriage can withstand 7 years, the chances of separation/breaking up after that mark are lower. Could it be that I won’t make it to my 7th anniversary? My mom had warned me that I didn’t know Yoosung long enough before getting married and that it wouldn’t last long because I was his first love. Then Yoosung got his PhD and suddenly he was her favorite son in law.

I had fun at the opening, friends, family, followers, and other guests made it. Seong made a beautiful speech about my struggle as an artist, finding my voice and medium. Yoosung held my hand, his suit and tie really looked nice matched with my dress. I got a lot of compliments and felt so flattered when people couldn’t believe I made it as well. When I went to the podium to do my introduction I scanned the room and felt overwhelmed by seeing so many people I care about. I focused and did my best to deliver my message, avoiding my gaze from Saeran, lest my voice should fail me, I wasn’t going to take any chances. After I did my bit, Jumin spoke some words too, which I didn’t expect but wasn’t surprised. That’s when he openly said he was going to commission me, since he recognised talent. When Mr. Lee saw that, he later commented that it was a good idea and would do the same. The twins and their father had walked up to me at some point and I chatted with them a bit, as expected I could see my husband watching me like a hawk, I didn’t spend much time talking to them so I kept greeting the rest of the guests. I wonder what my life would’ve been like if I had taken my painting more seriously when I started years ago. But it’s OK. Better late than never, right? Nothing else memorable happened at the gallery that night. Yoosung and Saeyoung stayed with me until closing up. I had already told Yoosung I wasn’t going home with him but he pleaded with me. My answer was still no. The conversation was kept short because Saeyoung interceded saying I was stressed out and tired. I thanked them for the help and walked them to the door. My husband looked pitiful and Saeyoung’s face was etched with worry. I said good night and locked up. Once I was alone I could relax. I didn’t want to think about my husband or the judgment my friends have towards my marriage. I had already reminded them that they have no experience with long term relationships, so their advice holds little value to me. I agreed to see a marriage counselor since I obviously don’t intend on talking to Yoosung face to face. I’m not sure if it will be worth it but I owe it to him to at least try to make it work. The first appointment is next week. I’m not looking forward to it. I have no expectations but having a mediator should help getting my feelings across. Until then, I’ll dive into my work.

It was nice seeing my mom at the opening, she’s always supported my art. It turned out really well, a lot of people came and all the paintings were sold that same night, I already started mounting canvases to start working on new pieces. I was lucky to receive commissions from Jumin and the prime minister, he was an unexpected guest that I was fortunate to accommodate thanks to the security team Jumin had provided. It was nice seeing the twins with their biological father, I’ve only seen Mr. Lee at RFA parties. Charity and politics go well together after all, it’s the best he can do after recognizing his children publicly. Whenever I see him I wonder what their mother looked like, I’m sure she was a beautiful woman. Since Mr. Lee made an appearance, my art opening got national exposure, and of course thanks to Jumin as well. Anywhere he goes gets a lot of publicity, since they both commissioned pieces, it’s being talked about in the media. The phone has been ringing constantly to set up interviews for different forums. Rui sent me the pictures from the event so I could add them to the website and social media pages. Seong prepared a press packet and that’s what I’ve been sending to the media outlets. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be interviewed, but Zen offered to coach me. He’s going to drop by on his day off and rehearse with me. The stress hasn’t died down much since, now my anxiety is running rampant with the sudden exposure as a new up and coming artist. It’s been good for Jaehee’s business though, people recognised me during my shift and the word has gone around that I make the Honey Butter Blondies and the sky shaped marshmallows, they’ve selling out quicker. Jaehee asked if I could make some artwork for the café and I felt touched. I have plenty of work now, so much so Seong asked if it was time to hire someone. I want to keep my job at the bakery because I like it, it keeps me grounded, but I can’t work at the gallery if I want to finish my commissions in a timely manner. So after much deliberation, I asked Seong what he thought about hiring Saeran. The conversation went something like this:

“Does he even have a background in art?”

“Not in the traditional sense but you do know the Choi twins are geniuses right? Saeran is the one that saw the similarity between my moonlight painting with a Van der Neer one.”

“Really? Well then, he’s well versed enough and can learn. But are you sure this isn’t just an excuse to see him every day? Think about your marriage.”

“I’m thinking about my career and I’m consulting with my business partner. Maybe the novelty of seeing him will wear off.”

“Or maybe you just end up living with him here.”

“Stop it Seong. That’s not gonna happen.”

“Says you. Now. Just imagine having the prime minister as your father in law. The yoga hosers would be so jealous.”

“Right, because I base my decisions on what they would think. I’m still married, stop talking like I’m single”

“You sure act that way. When was the last time you went to your house to spend the night with your husband?”

“I dunno. It’s been over a month.”

“And you want to hire a man you’ve been swooning over? Are you out of your mind?”

“Let’s forget that I’m married, would you hire Saeran?”

“You know I’d love to be close to that man candy any day but if you like him, it’s not a wise decision to hire him. You know how I feel about fucking coworkers, it’s a no-no.”

“Do you think he’s gay?”

“Honey, I meant YOU fucking HIM.”

“Dammit Seong, I’m not cheating on my husband.”

“Yet. But that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you hire that SIN-namon roll. If you insist, then by all means, offer him the job. I could use the help. He’s already our tech support but why not hire his brother instead?”

“How about both?”

“We can’t afford both and doesn’t he work at SKY?”

“Fine.”

“Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll support your decision. I’m not just your business partner. I’m your friend.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you know.”

So now I have to figure out if I should offer him the job. I thought about asking Jumin if he could help finding a replacement for me but for now I’ll just focus on my commissions. My thoughts are all over the place but I need to get my shit together so I can paint.


	12. Someone to confide in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and Yoosung meet with the therapist, she has a dream that makes her feel weird, a visit from Saeyoung at work leaves her with a lingering thought about Saeran.

Dear diary, 

I ended up taking Seong’s advice and didn't offer Saeran my job. It's been easy to avoid him since I've been cooped up in the studio or at the bakery, I've only been able to chat with him during the livestreams and luckily I don't get butterflies from online interaction. I spoke with Jumin the other day and his assistant has been sending potential candidates for interview, I have a few promising choices so far. As for my marriage, the first meeting with the therapist was mostly talking about ourselves and how we met, what we do for a living, who our friends are, what do we do for fun, etc. Then we were interviewed separately, I mentioned how I felt depressed from living in monotony and not feeling valued as an individual. The therapist asked us to make a list of the things that bother us about our spouse and to bring it to the next meeting. I wish I could just write “ _everything”_ to get it that out of the way.

My commissions are slowly being finished. Jumin asked for a painting of his garden in spring with Elizabeth III walking around. Mr. Lee’s painting is a landscape of the Naejangsan National Park fall foliage. The beautiful warm reds keep making me think of Saeran. So much that I dreamed of him, not just any dream, but a wet dream. We were under the blue sky and I was completely naked sitting on a towel surrounded by grass, flowers, and trees. He was shirtless, crawling like a predator, with a smirk on his face he crept between my legs, a mop of red hair inching closer, my hands reached out to comb through it with my fingers. He raised his head slightly and I cupped his face with my hands, his piercing eyes boring into mine. He licked his lips and dipped his head to taste me, licking my slit up and down and pulling away to say “I could get used to this.”and he resumed his position, licking and sucking my folds, teasing the clit with the tip of his tongue until plunging it into my entrance. I leaned back on the towel, falling on my elbows, he grabbed my legs and spread me wider, sucking and licking me vigorously while I moaned his name, when I looked down I saw him staring back, intense green eyes with a mouthful of me. I woke up flustered. I went to the bathroom to take a cold shower. I was in shock, and very typical of me, I've been avoiding him ever since. What's wrong with me? 

My last session with the therapist was interesting; Yoosung confessed how he felt and his suspicion that I might've been cheating on him, then it was my turn to talk about how I wasn't ready to have children and was getting tired of feeling like a housewife. He read the list of things that bothered him about me. Basically he hates that I turned into an addict, whether it's pills or alcohol. He said my mood swings had gotten worse and that I make him feel like he's not important to me. In turn, I said I hated feeling like his pet or property, that I was tired of being motherly or bossy, and that sometimes I just want to be dominated without being hounded. I had to explain that last part and I mentioned a few anecdotes about him acting jealous and saying passive aggressive comments that make him look like a dog marking his territory. During the private session I briefly mentioned the disappointing sex we had for a while that lead to a period of chastity but it resulted in great sex afterwards. I had to explain what made the sex great and commented that I didn't feel like it was reason enough for me to go back home. Our homework for the next session is discussing what expectations did we have about marriage and how that's changed over the course of our years together. I don't see the point of going to therapy. Each time I go I'm more convinced that I don't love my husband anymore. Even if he can change, I'm not sure I could fall in love with him again. I'm not quite sure what made me fall in love with him in the first place. Either way, I don't want to hurt him, if therapy can help in any way, it's a good enough reason for me to keep going. I just wish nobody knew about my personal life. All our mutual friends know that we're going to couples counseling. I don't talk about it but Saeyoung is Yoosung’s best friend, it's obvious they're close and talk about me. I need the Choi Bois away from me but that's easier said than done. Saeyoung went to visit me at the bakery today. When I wasn't busy with customers I joined him. 

“Good afternoon Mr. Choi, what brings you here?”

“So formal. In any case, it's Professor Choi. Should I have come to the gallery instead? For professionalism?”

“No, you're my friend, any place is fine to meet with you. But speaking of the gallery, I have news for your father if you're interested.”

“Is it about the commission?”

“Yeah, it's almost done. You can pick it up next week.”

“That's great, I'll let him know. I'm still surprised he actually went to the opening.”

“It was nice seeing him there. I'm indebted to your brother for inviting him. I've been getting a lot of attention from all sorts of information networks, well thanks to you and Jumin too.”

“I’m glad it's been working out. Speaking of my brother, I came here to talk about him.”

“I'm not fucking him if that's what you want to know.”

“That's not what I was going to say.”

“Then what is it?”

“I love my brother and he's been through a lot, I'm happy he's been getting along with you, I just think you should be careful, for your own safety.”

“I doubt he's going to kidnap me to join a cult.”

“That's not funny. You don't know what I know and you have no idea what he was like.”

“You never told us the full story. Aside from what Yoosung told me and the tidbits you've mentioned here and there, I don't know much about you 2.”

“And that's why you should be careful. My brother mostly keeps to himself so I'm always worried about him.”

“He’s a grown man. You can't shield him all the time. He has to make his own decisions.”

“I know that. I'm proud of how he's moved on but that doesn't change the fact that he's haunted by his past.”

“At least I know him from back then and I've always treated him like a friend. Are you saying I shouldn't be his friend?”

“That's not what I'm saying. He doesn't really befriend people. Not even when he went to college.”

“So? Can you blame him?”

“No.”

“Then, what do you suggest I do?”

“Argh, it all made sense in my head. I dunno, I guess if you work things out with Yoosung I don't want him to feel… abandoned.”

“Why would he feel abandoned?”

“He knows you've been avoiding him lately.”

“I've been busy.”

“I know. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry.”

“Hey, I understand you're worried about him. Things have been crazy lately but I think he's doing well.”

“Promise me something.”

“What?”

“Never lie to him.”

“Are you calling me a liar? Damn Saeyoung, should I swear under oath as well?”

“I mean it. Secrets and lies are the cause of our past mistakes. There's no need for history to repeat itself.”

“I guess so. Fine. I promise never to lie to him.”

“Alright. I'll see you next week. I have to head back to the university.”

“Okie dokie Professor Choi. Take care of yourself and don't worry about your brother so much.”

“I'll try.”

We said our goodbyes and I went back to the counter. Jaehee looked worried and I told her everything was fine.

“He rarely comes with good news.” she sighed. 

“He’s worried about Saeran.”

“Oh, is something wrong?”

“No, Saeran has become a great friend by helping me out with the art stuff.”

“He sure has come a long way.”

“Yeah. I told Saeyoung his brother seems to be doing fine.”

“He’s always been distant but it's nice to see him more animated.”

“I've only seen Saeyoung act like the big brother when Saeran was recovering.”

“Of course, it was hard to convince him that Rika needed to be admitted to a mental hospital after finding out what she was doing during the time everyone assumed she was dead.”

“It's the only time he and Yoosung didn't get along.”

“It was hard for him to accept that she was sick and that V was hiding it from everyone.”

“At least you helped me convince them that Rika needed treatment.”

“It wasn't that hard. Jumin knew it was the most logical thing to do.”

“True. Thanks to that we all went back to a relatively normal life.”

“Especially for V. I thought he'd never be able to take pictures again.”

“I'm happy for him, he finally found someone that makes him a better person and artist.”

“I'm looking forward to seeing him the next time he visits. I have presents for little Jin.”

“They'll probably visit during the summer.”

A customer walked in and we stopped gossiping. The rest of my shift was uneventful. When I got to the studio I decided to call Saeran. 

“Hey. Are you busy?”

“No. Is something wrong?”

“No, I just got back from the bakery.”

“You never call me. I assumed you needed something.”

“Oh, well, first time for everything.”

I laughed nervously before continuing. 

“I wanted to say sorry for avoiding you. I've been busy lately but the real reason was something else.”

“You admit to ignoring me.”

“Let me explain.”

“I'm listening.”

I took a deep breath. 

“I had a dream about you.”

“And? What happened in your dream?”

I started to stammer, trying to get the words out. 

“Well?” annoyance in his voice. 

“It was a wet dream.”

“A what?”

“A sexual fantasy.”

“I know what a wet dream is I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly.”

He started to laugh. 

“And that's why you've been ignoring me?”

“I didn't know how to face you after seeing you like I did in the dream.”

“What did we do in your dream?”

“I'd rather not say.”

“You might as well.”

I stayed silent for a bit and took a deep breath. 

“Alright. I'm beyond embarrassed as it is.”

“Go on.”

“Fine. We were in a forest on a grassy patch with a towel on the ground. I was sitting naked on the towel looking at the sky. You crawled to where I was and spread my legs open to taste me, licking and sucking me relentlessly. When I looked down and saw you staring into my eyes with your mouth full of my juices, I woke up.”

“That's quite the fantasy you painted with words.” He chuckled. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to avoid you. I was just feeling weird about it.”

“Because you wanted it or liked it?”

“I'm not sure what to think about it.”

“You said it was a wet dream. Were you wet when you woke up?”

“I… I… Yes. I was.”

“Did you masturbate afterwards?”

“I umm. Uh. Yes. I did.”

“Naughty Mrs. Kim.”

“Don't tease me. I'm really ashamed.”

“Oh? I'd say you like being teased.”

“I do not. I just hope this clears up my awkwardness.”

“What you did was raise more questions.”

“What? Why?”

“Friends don't dream of their friends naked.”

“Of course they do, I've dreamed of Zen in the shower.”

“Oh really? Have you ever dreamed of him fucking you?”

“No. I haven't.”

“What about my brother, ever dreamed of him?”

“No.”

“Hmmmm. Jumin?”

“No!”

“Do you regularly have wet dreams?”

“I don't. It's a rare occurrence.”

“Maybe it's because you're not getting laid.”

“Probably.”

“Yet it wasn't your husband in the dream.”

“Lately you're the person I've seen most besides Seong. I can't control my dreams.”

“You sure it's not a hidden desire?”

“You know you're really hot and sexy, right? It's not my fault my brain came up with that dream.”

“You think I'm sexy?”

“Sure, you could be a model if you wanted to.”

“Do you want me to model for you?”

I started to sputter, unable to say anything coherent. He laughed. 

“I think I make you nervous.”

“You do. Sometimes.”

“Do I scare you?”

“No. I scare myself.”

“Why?”

“I umm, for a while I was scared of the person I was starting to become. The doctor's wife, arm candy, the rich housewife, just like the women in my yoga class. I had started drinking heavily, taking prescription drugs, until your brother found out and told my husband. I promised I'd throw away the pills and drink less.”

“What changed?”

“I felt like my life had no purpose and that everything I tried to do couldn't fill the void growing inside me. When Seong suggested I take up the studio I felt a spark of excitement and that's when things started looking bright. Except for my marriage.”

“How's couples counseling?”

“Honestly, I only go for him. Each time I see him I feel nothing. At first I thought I was too depressed to feel anything. But now, I'm convinced it's not because I'm depressed. It's because I don't love him anymore.”

“Does he know how you feel?”

“No. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He's done so much for me. Since I started living at the studio I've been trying to sort out my feelings. It wasn't until the last therapy session that I realized I can't love him anymore.”

“Was that before or after your wet dream?”

“Before.”

“Why don't you get a divorce?”

“Before I make any sort of decision like that I want to be sure of what I'm doing. If I can't make my marriage work, then I'll have to explore that option. Yoosung and I have a lot of mutual friends, if we do end up getting a divorce, I want things to go smoothly. I may not have the same feelings for my husband but he's still my friend and I care for him.”

“You’re too nice for your own good. You're thinking of everyone else's feelings and sacrificing yourself for their sake.”

“Like I said, I'm recovering from a state of depression, I want to make sure what I'm doing is the best choice. It's the reason I accepted going to therapy. Maybe the therapist can see something I can't and advise me.”

“I'm not a therapist and I can see you're miserable with your husband and happy when you're painting.”

“True. Yoosung thinks he can change and become the man I need. He made an effort a month ago or so but I'm not sure it's enough to make me go back to him.”

“And what kind of man do you need? What did he do?”

“Ummm, it's embarrassing to talk about my personal life, are you sure you want to hear about Yoosung and me?”

“I'm guessing you're shy about sex? You're the one that called me to say you had a wet dream.”

“It's not the same if I talk about myself than to talk about my husband.”

“Why? He talks about you all the time to Saeyoung.”

“Really? As in intimate details?”

“Uh huh.”

“Oh. Then did you already know what I was going to say?”

“That he fucked you senseless not too long ago?”

“Yeah.” I sighed.

“If it makes you feel any better, I heard it by accident. They were in the living room and I was in the kitchen walking towards my room.”

“To give that conversation background and context; about a year ago or more, I'm not sure, I wanted Yoosung to be the dominant one in bed. I was always the one in charge and it got boring, he tried a few times for my sake but I always ended up switching from submissive to dominant. He claimed he didn't feel comfortable so I stopped having sex with him. It didn't help that he was pressuring me to have kids so he didn't want to use condoms. Months passed. One day I got home and he seduced me, acting like a hungry wolf, ready to devour me. It was good sex but it didn't feel meaningful. It was like eating something to satisfy hunger.”

“The puppy grew up to be a wolf, huh?”

“Too late for my liking.”

“And what would you like?”

“To stop thinking about Yoosung and how much he cares about me?”

“Are you asking or telling me?”

“I'm sorry for bothering you with my problems. I don't really have anyone to talk to that isn't Yoosung’s friend that I can trust, well, besides Seong. And he's not the understanding type, he mostly teases me.”

“I'm not bothered. Everyone needs someone to talk to.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that. I feel better when I talk to you.”

“I could say the same about you. When I feel like nobody understands me, I think of you. You're kind and always treat me fairly. I'll never forget what you did for me when my brother put me in the hospital.”

“I didn't think you were crazy. It wasn't fair to send you to the same place as Rika.”

“And I'll always be grateful for that.”

“I didn't really know you and neither did Jumin, but as an objective party outside the situation, it wasn't that hard to advise your brother on what would be best for you.”

“Thank you.”

“You've apologised enough. I never blamed you for anything.”

“I know.”

“I like you Saeran, I do. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. Your past doesn't define you, what matters is who you want to be. I'm sure you feel better after your dad admitted he had illegitimate children.”

“My brother and I didn't have to hide anymore.”

“See? You went to college, you can go wherever you want, make friends, get a girlfriend, you're a grown man.”

“True. Did you know Saeyoung is dating someone?”

“I didn't.”

“That's why I spend so much time away from the house. It's been the 2 of us for so long I don't know what to do if it becomes a serious relationship.”

“I guess that was going to happen eventually. No wonder he kept dropping in at work.”

“He did?”

“Yeah, he's been worried about you and Yoosung of course.”

“Mmmm. What did he say exactly?”

“I saw him today and basically he told me to never lie or keep secrets from you and that in case I get back together with Yoosung, to not abandon you.”

“What an idiot. He didn't need to do that.”

“I thought it was sweet of him. He's always going to act like your big brother.”

“Is that why you called?”

“In part. I felt guilty for avoiding you and your brother made me realise you deserved an explanation.”

“I guess he's not useless after all.”

“He loves you.”

“I know.”

“I'm going to go shower, it was nice talking.”

“Enjoy your shower. You can picture me lathering your back.”

“Thanks. Now I have that image stuck in my head.”

“It's up to you what to do with it.” He chuckled. 

“I'm hanging up now. Good night Saeran.”

“Good night Mrs. Kim.”

I couldn't believe I told him about the dream, but Saeyoung was right about not keeping secrets. It'd been so long since I had a carefree conversation with someone that wasn't Seong, I mean, I used to be flirty with Zen and talk about a lot of things but his busy schedule doesn't allow much time for casual conversation anymore. It's one of the reasons I felt so depressed. The yoga hosers are decent company but not for meaningful conversation. I missed having a friend to talk to, Saeran might be just what I need. 


	13. Entrust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and Saeran's friendship grows, Seong doesn't miss any chance to tease her, she speaks honestly about her marriage with the therapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter but the flow of it seemed right at the time as an authentic diary entry.

Dear diary,

Saeran and I have been talking to each other more frequently since the first time I called him. Seong found out when he mistakenly took my phone thinking it was his and he saw my call log and messages. That was a fun conversation when he got back from lunch.

“Do you have Mr. Rebel on speed dial?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I took your phone by mistake.”

“Oh.”

“So you call each other now?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I’m not cheating on my husband.”

“I didn’t say you were, but I’m worried.”

“I’m fine.”

“Mighty fine. You’re glowing. You look happy.”

“I AM happy.”

“Whatever your decision, you know I’m here for you.”

“Thanks Seong.”

I’m a little annoyed that people think I’m cheating on Yoosung. Nothing has happened with Saeran. Seong made a good point that he’s not my friend if I have a crush on him. I just have so much fun and love hearing him laugh. He came over on the weekend to paint with me. I showed him the basics on canvas paper and then showed him how to paint a pear on a canvas we made. It turned out really good. He said he would practice at his house and come back next weekend.

I finally finished my first commissions, Jumin sent his assistant to pick up the painting on Monday. He called me at night to inform me he had it mounted in his living room and that his wife loved it, and of course Elizabeth III too. He asked me if I would do a family portrait and I told him I was rusty with anatomy but that I would practice before accepting the commission. I had already promised Jaehee I would paint Zen holding one of our cakes, so I’ve been sketching heads, hands, and cakes. Rui is coming in a few days to take the reference pictures, I’m not that confident in my painting skills, so in case the portrait doesn’t turn out right, I’ll gift her a poster from the photo session. I warned Zen not to say anything, but he thinks I’ll do fine. I hope so. I haven’t done a portrait since art school. As for Mr. Lee’s painting, Saeran came to pick it up when I was at the bakery, Seong sent me a text with a photo of Saeran carrying the painting.

“Why didn’t you tell me he was coming? I wasn’t ready to be dazzled so early in the morning.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know. I thought someone else would pick it up.”

“He asked for you.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That you were at the bakery because Mimi is sick.”

“OK, I’ll call him later.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Whatever.” I chuckled.

Seong enjoys making fun of me too much. At my last session with the therapist we discussed what our expectations of marriage were. When I told Seong about the marriage expectations assignment he suggested “steady sex partner”, it sounded hilarious at the time but I didn’t say it of course. Yoosung said it was about building a new family whereas I thought it was about being a supportive partner that shares the burdens of maintaining a house. During the private session I told the therapist I thought I didn’t feel anything for my husband because I was depressed but that now I just think I don’t love him anymore. I explained my guilt of being indebted to him for all the things he’s done for me and that I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I also talked about how a friend pointed out that I look happy now that I’m separated from my husband and pursuing painting. We didn’t get any homework for our next session, I hope that means we’re done. I doubt it, but I can hope.


	14. Perfectly imperfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rika returns to Korea, MC is unsure how to deal with her return and her relationship with Saeran goes from platonic to something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for getting this far, I want to mention that this fic was meant to be a cheating story from the start. It was supposed to be a one shot where MC cheats on Yoosung with Saeran but here we are, 14 chapters later because I clearly can't write a one shot without it turning into a series. I wanted to clarify this here since I had mentioned it on [my tumblr](http://myimaginaryboyfriends.tumblr.com) where I had warned Yoosung fans that my fic was going to be angsty and geared towards Saeran. Just 3 more chapters left, the last one is the After Ending. The story was going to end with 16 chapters but I felt the need to explain what happens next in a way that ties everything together a bit better. Hang in there!

Dear diary,

After 5 years of being in a mental hospital abroad, Rika is back. I'm not sure what to feel about it, or her. Yoosung called me to say that the doctors gave the OK for her to come back, arrangements were made for her to continue her rehabilitation by seeing a therapist on a weekly basis and to make sure she takes her daily medication. She'll be staying with Yoosung so he can check on her but apparently she seems fine. I have yet to see her. She arrived yesterday. Right now the RFA is divided. When Saeran found out she was coming back he told everyone what Rika did to him and his brother in detail. We all knew part of the story but not what Saeran went through during his time with her. I cried when I read the horrors he wrote about his experience. It made it worse for Yoosung because he didn't want to turn his back on Rika, even if she was a ruthless maniac once upon a time. “The doctors say she's better.” He tried to plead with everyone. But it doesn't make her past go away. As part of her rehabilitation she has to apologise to every person she hurt. I'm trying to convince Saeran that it's a good idea to compile the list of her victims and track them down. I told him it's not for her benefit but his, to finally move on and leave that part of his past behind. If Saeyoung joins me, I think we can make it happen. I'm in an awkward position where Yoosung wants me to support his decision to take care of her. It's true that I no longer view the house as my home since I've been living at the studio, but now that I know she'll be there, I don't want to go back, but I promised Yoosung I'd go for dinner on Friday. He took vacation days to spend time with her and take her to places so she wouldn't be alone. That should keep him busy for a while.

In other news, I started the portrait for the bakery. I'm using the photo that Zen liked best from the shoot. So far it's looking nice, I decided to go for a loose style like Frans Hals. It allows me to not overthink the details and have fun with it instead of obsessing over accuracy. It's the live stream with the most views, since the Zen fans join in to watch. It was awkward explaining how I know Zen but it was best summed up as being in the same charity organization as him and that we're close friends. Of course I was asked if I was his girlfriend, Zen answered that one himself by saying I'm married to another member. It was fun interacting with his fans, I gained a few followers thanks to him and potential clients since I can sell signed prints of the photo shoot, Zen loved the idea and suggested doing a meet and greet at the bakery. Jaehee approved, now we need Rui’s permission to set it up. Things are really looking up, at least for my career.

With the whole Rika coming back ordeal, Yoosung canceled our appointment that was scheduled this week. I can't complain, I didn't want to go anyway since it's time I can spend painting and that's exactly what I did. I want to finish Zen’s portrait, if it turns out nice and Jumin likes it, he might ask me to do his family portrait. The expectations are pretty high. When I'm not painting I've been sketching Jumin’s face and suits as well as his wife’s features, hair, and jewelry. I asked her to take pictures of her favorite set of jewelry so I could practice. I've been getting the hang of it. I did a quick study in acrylic on canvas paper of a set of what I assume are rubies with gold and think I can pull off the shine and tones. Even though I don't feel confident doing portraits, I want to push myself out of the comfort zone of landscapes.

On Wednesday I went to the library with Saeran to research portraits. I found some good books with traditional Korean portraits that I found interesting, I doubt that's what Jumin wants but it doesn't hurt to take pictures for future reference. I figured he wanted something in a European or Russian style so I took pictures of what I thought would suit him. After the library we went for a walk, I bought soju at a corner store, and we had dinner at a noodle stand on the street. On the way back to the gallery I was a little drunk and tripped over the uneven sidewalk by the corner. He caught me so I wouldn't fall and I giggled at my blunder. When I looked up at him, from my position, the street lamp behind him made it look like there was a halo around his head.

“You're like my guardian angel.” I whispered.

“I didn't want to see you fall.”

“You really care about me.”

“Let's get you back to the studio.”

I could still see the halo of light shining on his red hair, looking like a flame.

“You're so beautiful.”

I reached my hand out to touch his face but he grabbed it before the tips of my fingers could touch his skin.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure I'm not dreaming.”

He widened his eyes and slowly let go of my hand, allowing me to touch his cheek. I placed my hand on the side of his face and he closed his eyes. I could see how long his eyelashes were and how plump his lips looked. I lowered my hand to the back of his neck and I inched myself forward, craning my head higher so that when he opened his eyes our lips were centimetres apart.

“Trying to seduce me? Naughty Mrs. Kim.” He breathed over my lips.

“You're right. I AM naughty. Perhaps my husband should punish me.”

He narrowed his eyes and licked his lips.

“Let's give him a good reason then.”

He closed the distance between us and we locked lips. He put his arms around my waist and I put my other arm around his neck, completing the embrace. We kissed passionately, forgetting our surroundings, only stopping to catch our breath. When I placed my hand on his face again he pulled away.

“Still think you're dreaming?”

“If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up.”

He grabbed hold of my hand and started walking, pulling me towards him.

“It's late, you have work tomorrow.”

“Ah. Thus, the spell is broken.”

“And the knight escorts the princess to her castle.”

“Has anybody told you you're a good kisser?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, in college.”

“What else?”

“That's for me to know, and you to find out.”

“I'm intrigued now.”

“You're drunk now.”

“That too.”

“You're really cute.”

“Thank you. It's the first time you ever compliment me.”

“Don't get used to it.”

I stopped walking and pouted. He stared at me and chuckled.

“If you make faces like that, I'll just tease you.”

“I don't mind if it's YOU doing the teasing.”

I think I saw him blush slightly, he pulled my hand to make me walk again.

“Naughty Mrs. Kim, playing with the big bad wolf. Remember Zen’s warning? All men are wolves?”

“You're not so bad.”

“Not so bad still means bad.”

“I meant you're perfectly imperfect. Like a Manierist painting, where the distortion or “flaw” is so well executed, it's unnoticed until you truly scrutinize the piece, but by then you're awed by the mastery of the technique and fall in love with the genius of it, captivated by its beauty.”

“Only you could be capable of comparing me to a painting so beautifully in a casual manner.”

“Of course, I own an art gallery, it's my job to recognize good art. In fact, I think you'd look nice mounted over me.”

He stopped walking and I bumped into him. I looked up at his face and his eyes were narrowed.

“Do you really want to do this?”

“People already think I'm having an affair.”

His face softened, he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

“I'm sorry about that. I just don't think it's a good idea.”

“Why not? I dream about being with you, you tease me further by making me think of erotic scenarios involving you, and you kissed me just minutes ago. What do I have to do to make you want me?”

“I don't want you to do something you might regret.”

“Why would I regret being with you?”

He looked towards the sky and sighed.

“Because people can change their minds. Humans are fickle beings.”

“That may be true, but, no, forget it, you're right. Humans are fickle. Thank you. I can walk myself back.”

I let go of his hand and stormed off. He ran up to me quickly and grabbed me by the shoulders so I'd stop. He let go and faced me.

“Nice try.”

“I'm tired of playing nice.”

He arched his eyebrow.

“Oh? Then what's your game plan now?”

“That's for me to know and you to find out.”

“Ah, good one.” He chuckled.

We walked to the gallery in silence. Once we were at the door to the studio I thanked him for the lovely night.

“Have a good night Mi Cha.”

“It could be better with you in my bed.”

“Tempting offer but no thanks. Do you always invite friends over to sleep with you?”

“No, only people I love.”

His expression changed to one of shock. He was about to say something but I cut him off.

“I don't want you to fuck me and leave in the morning so we can later pretend it didn't happen. I want to give myself to you, make love with you, and have breakfast together.”

“You really want me that bad, huh?”

“Yes. I want you Saeran. All of you.”

He looked away for a moment as he pondered my words.

“Alright Mrs. Kim. Let's make this affair official.”

He picked me up and carried me inside, he locked the door and took me to my bed. He gently placed me on top of it and climbed over my body, kissing me and grinding against me. When he heard my first moan he ripped my skirt off, lowering one of his hands down my panties to fondle me, his middle finger pressed lightly between the lips, up and down, digging deeper, lightly touching my clit and sliding down to my entrance, over and over again, all the while keeping my tongue busy with his. I was so wet, he finally put in 3 fingers inside me while pressing his palm over my clit in a circular motion, I lifted my mound to grind harder against his hand, pulling away from the kiss to tell him when I was close to orgasm. He kept applying pressure while fucking me with his fingers until I came undone, panting his name. He pulled off my panties and took his shirt off, lowering himself to lick my juices off my thigh. I squirmed in response. He licked my slit and sucked on it, entering me with his tongue, swirling it around. I was gasping. I grabbed hold of his hair and he looked up at me, it was the sexiest thing ever, he was probably smirking even though his mouth was hidden between my legs. He pulled away for a moment to speak.

“Is it better than your dream?”

“Much better.” I moaned.

And there I saw the sexiest smirk I had ever seen. I lifted my torso and pulled him up towards me, tugging his pants down.

“Desperate, are we?” He teased.

I ignored the comment and he helped me take off his pants and underwear. I rummaged in the drawer next to the bed for a condom and handed it to him, once it was in place he sat me on top of him inserting himself when he lowered me. He ripped my blouse open and took off my bra, discarding the last bit of fabric that covered me. I put my arms around him, pressing my chest against his, feeling him thrust inside me, I angled my hips towards him and away with his momentum, I squeezed him harder and whispered “Harder.” He grabbed my hips and started to grind me against him, that's when he found my sweet spot. “Ayy, there, keep going.” I moaned. I held him tightly while he pounded me until I climaxed. My grip loosened and I let myself fall back on the bed. I closed my eyes for a moment and heard him say “I'm not done yet, princess.” When I peeked with one eye, he was hovering over me, I felt the tip of his dick teasing my entrance, I spread my legs wide and he lowered himself further, his hips resting on mine and his forearms on the bed. I could feel his breath on my face, I opened both of my eyes. He was staring at me. I smirked and grabbed his butt to pull him into me. A moan escaped my lips.

“You’ve been very naughty Mrs. Kim.”

I lifted my mound and pulled him deeper into me.

“Sinful.” I moaned.

“How will you repent?”

I angled my hips downwards and then upwards.

“I'd rather sin again.”

He flashed me a smile and started to thrust hard, drilling into me, making my head loll. I gripped his butt tightly to grind myself against him for friction. When I started to moan his name he crashed his lips into mine, swallowing my cries with his tongue. He picked up his pace and I closed my legs as much as I could to feel him grind my walls, I moved my arms to hug his back and pull him down to press his chest against mine, I could feel my climax coming, my senses were overloaded, he pulled his lips away from mine to watch me squirm under him.

“I knew you'd look nice mounted over me.” I uttered.

“And you're a hot mess under me.”

I nodded and lowered my hand to rub my clit but then he grabbed my waist and hips and flipped me over, my chest and stomach now on the bed, maneuvering himself back into me. The new position made me moan loudly and he liked it, when my face was on the pillow muffling the sounds I was making, he took away my pillow.

“I want to hear you.”

I cried his name and moaned, I didn't know how much longer I could take.

“I'm really close.” I whimpered.

“Me too.”

He pulled out and plunged in a few times, kept a steady pace and rubbed my clit with his fingers, I mewled and whimpered, then my legs started to go numb. That's when I felt him twitch inside me and I released multiple orgasms, whimpering for him to stop. He pulled out to take off the condom and I heard him wash his hands. I rolled over to my side and recovered my pillow, when

he came back I felt him lie down, wrapping an arm around my waist and resting on my pillow.

“How was it?” He asked.

“I'm not sure I can walk tomorrow.”

He chuckled and smoothed my hair.

“You said you wanted all of me. That was just a taste.”

“If that was just a taste you might kill me with pleasure.”

“Not a bad way to die.”

“I don't think so.”

“I'm kidding.”

I turned to face him and nuzzled my face on his chest.

“Are you going to tell me how many people you've slept with?”

“You wouldn't believe me.”

“I have no reason to think you'd lie to me.”

“I guess.”

“Well?”

“I don't really know, too many to count.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t keeping score. I slept around in college. Never with the same person twice.”

“Wow, that's… I dunno. Unexpected I guess. Why only once with each person?”

“I didn't want to get attached.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense.”

“Normally women get angry when I say stuff like that.”

“Oh, well, they don't know you like I do.”

“True. Aren't you at least a little irked?”

“Maybe a bit shocked. But I just reaped the benefits of your experience. I have no complaints.”

He chuckled and kissed my forehead. I smiled.

“So am I just another one and done?” I asked quietly.

“No.”

“Good. Because you'd break my heart.”

“You love me that much?”

“I do. And after that life altering sex, I don’t want to let you go.”

“Life altering huh?”

“How could I ever regret being with you when I had never orgasmed so many times in one session?”

“I dunno. You ready for round 2?”

“You're kidding right?”

“I'm not.”

“I don't think my body can take it.”

“Perhaps you should rest then and call in sick tomorrow.”

“Hand me my phone, I'll text Jaehee.”

He got up from the bed and I followed him with my gaze. When he got back he caught me staring at him.

“I can't believe you're here with me.” I sighed.

“You made a convincing argument.”

“It's true though, I've never slept with friends or random people I meet.”

“Was Yoosung your first?”

“No, my third.”

“Who were your first 2?”

“My first 2 boyfriends when I was in college.”

He sat on the bed and I reached out to him.

“Saeran? You OK?”

“Sorry, my mind was somewhere else.”

I snuggled closer against him and he kissed my forehead.

“You're my first in one category though, first married woman I've ever bedded.”

“How does it feel to be a homewrecker?”

“I could get used to this.”

“You said those exact words in my dream.”

“Did I live up to your expectations?”

“You surpassed them.”

I rolled over and climbed on top of him.

“Will you shower with me?”

“Can you walk?”

“Only one way to find out.”

He chuckled and lifted me up to carry me to the shower.

“Can I see you without your contacts?”

“Mmm. Are you trying to picture my brother naked?”

“Of course not. I just want to see you as you are.”

“I don't have my lens case with me.”

“Next time then.”

“Sure.”

He kissed my forehead and got in the shower with me. I couldn't stop looking at him, every time he caught me staring, he'd smirk. He held me while he washed me and I rinsed my hair. I lathered his chest and giggled.

“Having fun?”

“Lots. Everything is fun when I'm with you.”

He kissed my forehead and I stood on my toes to reach his face. I grazed his cheek with my mouth until I reached his and licked his bottom lip before pressing my lips to his. He shut off the shower and deepened the kiss, holding me closer to him. My knees buckled and he tightened his hold, pulling away from the kiss and staring at me.

“Let's get you in bed.”

He grabbed the towel and dried himself quickly before wrapping me and carrying me to bed.

“You're a lot stronger than you look.”

“I guess. I try to stay in shape. You're pretty toned yourself.”

“Thanks. I haven't been to the gym much lately. It's closer to my house than the bakery.”

“You mean Yoosung’s house.”

“Right. I should get used to calling it that. It hasn't been MY house in a while, especially now that Rika is there.”

“I almost feel sorry for him.”

“How about we don’t talk about them?”

“Fine by me.”

He took my towel and placed it on a chair then lied down next to me, covering us with the blanket.

“Are we just gonna sleep naked?”

“Why not? The sheets need to be changed anyway.”

“Good point.”

I got up to get a glass of water and turned off the lights. I found Saeran using his phone. I lied down next to him and kissed his cheek.

“Good night Saeran.”

“Good night Mi Cha.”

I cuddled up by his side and fell asleep.

When I woke up Saeran was still sleeping. I watched his chest rise and fall. I tried to get off the bed as quietly as I could but he woke up and pulled me back towards him. “Going somewhere, princess?”

“You took off your contacts.”

“I did.”

I inched myself closer to his face to study him.

“Your eyes are like honey. They're beautiful.”

“They're not special, they're just like Saeyoung’s.”

“I don't think so. The eyes are the window to the soul and you're not the same as your brother. You might look similar, but you're both different.”

He smirked.

“That face right there, you're perfect.”

He lifted his head and kissed me.

“Perfectly imperfect is what you said last night. Right?”

“Yes. Perfectly imperfect.”

I ruffled his hair and giggled. He sat on the bed, pulling my legs around his hips.

“You're not what I expected.” he confessed.

“What did you expect?”

“I didn't think you'd have a dark and wild side.”

“Oh, well, it's one of the reasons I feel comfortable around you. I can be myself.”

“I make you nervous.”

“It's because I have feelings for you.”

“So you act like a blundering fool?”

“Exactly.”

“Because you love me.”

“Precisely.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I feel things when I'm with you that I thought I couldn't feel.”

“I can understand that.”

“You hungry?”

“You buying Mrs. Kim?”

“Don't call me that anymore. I'm not his.”

“Want me to call you Mrs. Choi instead?” he teased.

“Just call me by my name.”

“Alright.”

He kissed my forehead and I got out of bed to get dressed. I giggled at my tattered clothes on the floor while I picked them up and threw them in the trash.

“Sorry about that.”

“Don't be. I'll buy more for you to rip them off me.”

“Naughty woman.”

“You don't seem to mind.”

“Not at all.”

I chuckled and handed him his clothes. I balled up the sheets and put ‘em in the laundry bag. I don't have a washing machine at the gallery so I asked Saeran if he could go with me to the Laundromat and we could eat breakfast nearby. It was early when we left so I didn't run into Seong. While the sheets were washing we had breakfast at a food stand and went into a nearby department store where I bought new sheets and stuff for Saeran.

“Why are you getting this for me?”

“For when you stay. You should have your own toothbrush, no?”

“Are you sure about this?”

“You're the one that said I wasn't just a one and done. Are you backing out?”

“No. You’re right. Fine. I want a blue toothbrush.”

I smiled. We went back to the Laundromat and picked up the sheets. When we got back to the gallery Seong was opening up. He saw me with Saeran carrying my laundry bag.

Seong: “You didn't.”

Me: “Good morning to you too.”

Seong: “Did he…?”

Me: “Did he what?”

Seong: “You slept with him, didn't you?”

Me: “I did.”

Seong: “I knew you couldn't keep your hands to yourself.”

Me: “Guilty. And I have no regrets.”

Seong: “That good, huh? Good for you. Please tell me you used protection.”

Saeran: “I did.”

Seong: “Ooooh, Mr. Bad Boy DOES does play by the rules.”

Me: “Quit it.”

Seong: “It's important to play it safe when you're playing with fire.”

Me: “Yeah OK, thanks for the advice. I'm going inside.”

Seong: “Alright. But I'm not running a hotel. Please use the side door during business hours.”

Me: “Fine.”

We went inside and I opened the door to the studio, Saeran locked it behind him.

“Sorry about that, Seong worries about me but he's also the manager.”

“It's fine. Are you sure you want me here?”

“Of course. You told me to take the day off. You can watch me paint. I have to finish Zen’s portrait.”

“Are you going to livestream it?”

“Yeah. You can login from my work laptop. A lot of crazy fans will probably login, I need you to keep the chat in order.”

“Sure.”

I did the livestream and ended it to have a lunch break. Saeran went home and I had lunch with Seong.

“Girl, spill it.”

“Well, we went to the library, then I had soju and noodles with him, he walked me back, you know, normal friend stuff, but I tripped and he caught me, and I swear it was a sign from the heavens when the street lamp behind him shined a halo over his head. He looked absolutely angelic. So I hit on him until I convinced him to sleep with me.”

“You sassy mynx.”

“He was amazing. I wasn't even sure if I could walk today.”

“Is that why you're not at the bakery?”

“Yeah, I can't be on my feet all day. I need to rest.”

“The man worked you good.”

“Life altering sex.”

“So what about Yoosung?”

“I was supposed to have dinner with him and his cousin on Friday so I'll have to cancel that and talk to him.”

“Tell him ASAP! You don't want him to find out about your affair from someone else.”

“Yeah. If he decides to go crazy the worst thing he can do is throw away my stuff.”

“I wouldn't underestimate him.”

After lunch I went back to the studio. I sent Jumin the reference pictures I had taken at the library so he could pick which style he liked. He said he'd discuss it with his wife. I lied down on the bed feeling exhausted and I texted Saeran.

[So tired. Don't want to move.]

[Do you want a massage?]

[Anything that involves you in the same room as me sounds like a great idea.]

[That’s a yes then.]

[YOU touching ME? I’ll never say no to that.]

[Never? I’m sure I can make you beg me to stop touching you.]

[You’re welcome to try.]

[I can stop by tonight.]

[I'll wait for you.]

[See you around 22:00]

[Alright.]

My body is ready. I think I have a new addiction, I'm a junkie for Saeran.


	15. Unknown territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC cheated on her husband, but when she was finding a "proper" way to tell Yoosung, she discovers he's also having an affair.

Dear diary,

My friends were so worried about me cheating on my husband, it never occurred to them that Yoosung would cheat on me. It's not like I was affected as much as he was, not at all actually, I honestly don't care at this point, but the situation seems like something out of a soap opera. I had gone to the house early in the morning yesterday to pick up some clothes. I thought the house would be empty since I got a text from Yoosung saying he was taking Rika to therapy. When I was walking towards the room I heard some noises and I happened to walk in on Yoosung fucking Rika or more like Rika fucking Yoosung since she was mounted on him. The panic on his face was evident when he saw me standing there.

Me: Some therapy. I didn't know you had a license to treat people at home.

Rika: It's nice to finally meet you. *chuckles*

Yoosung: I'm so sorry.

Me: Don't be. If it's any consolation, I cheated on you too. I meant to tell you sooner but I didn't want to be insensitive and preferred to tell you in person. Perhaps a text would've sufficed.

Yoosung: Rika, get off me.

Rika: Fine.

Me: Glad you could make yourself at home. I'll have someone pick up my things. We can still reschedule dinner if you want.

Yoosung: MC, STOP.

Me: What? You made me go to couples counseling and I did it for YOU. I was depressed and felt like I couldn't feel anything but I didn't want to hurt you because you've done so much for me.”

Yoosung: I know. I'm so sorry.

Me: Let's just accept our mistakes like adults and move on.

Rika: Very wise words.

Yoosung: It was Saeran, wasn't it?

Rika: You slept with Saeran?

Me: Yes. Once. Last Wednesday.

Yoosung: Nothing before that?

Me: Of course not. He was just a friend before that. Look, we can talk some other time. Let me just grab what I came for and you can finish doing what you were doing.

Yoosung put some pants on and walked towards me, tears in his eyes, apologizing again.

Me: Just stop it. You can't do things that you know are wrong and cry about it when you get caught. You're not a child. You're a grown man, take responsibility for your actions. You clearly never stopped loving her and if she can make you happy, then, I'm happy for you. I'll always care about you.

Rika: You're too kind.

Me: Thank you.

Yoosung was about to reach for my hand until Rika called him.

Rika: Let her go.

I walked to the closet and got the clothes I wanted and a pair of shoes, stuffed them in my bag, and smiled at them.

Me: I'll call you to schedule the movers.

He didn't say anything, I waved to Rika and left as fast as I could. I drove straight to the Choi twins household. I called Saeran when I was getting close so he could let me in.

“I wasn't expecting you to come over.”

“Unforeseen events led me here. I'll tell you when I get there.”

“Are you okay?”

“I'm perfect. Couldn't be happier.”

“I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic.”

“I'm almost there, open the gate.”

“Alright.”

He was waiting for me by the entrance. I gave him a big smile and hugged him tightly. He held me and chuckled at my enthusiasm.

“You look happy. Did you win the lottery?”

“No. Let's go inside, it's hot out here.”

“You're always hot.”

“You too.”

“Alright let's go.”

When I sat on the sofa Saeyoung walked in to greet me.

Saeyoung: To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?

Me: I have some news.

Saeyoung: *dramatic gasp* Good or bad?

Me: Depends on how you look at it.

Saeyoung: Are you pregnant?

Me: NO!

Saeran: Shut up you idiot. Let her talk.

Me: I went to the house to get some clothes and walked in on Rika and Yoosung having sex.

Twins: WHAT?

Me: Yeah. Rika is really pretty. I’d never seen her in person before but that probably wasn't the best way to meet her.

Saeyoung: I can't believe this. Are you OK? You must be in shock.

Me: I'm fine. I think Yoosung is the one in shock, at least, he was when I was leaving. I told him that if it was any consolation, I cheated on him too.

Saeyoung: WHAT? What the hell is going on? I stopped spying on you to grade finals and you cheated on him? When? With who?

Saeran: Last week. With me.

Saeyoung: I should stop acting surprised by now. I knew something was up with you 2.

Me: I was going to tell Yoosung about Saeran but wanted to talk to him in person. I got my chance, just not how I expected.

Saeran: What are you going to do now?

Me: I told them I'd have someone pick up my things and that we can still reschedule dinner to talk. I guess I'll need to get a divorce lawyer.

Saeyoung: You're being very calm about this.

Me: Haha and that's because you didn't see me with this exact same face and tone, hold a conversation with them while they were naked. I made peace with the fact that I don't love my husband. The best thing to ever happen to me was to move into the studio, that and sex with Saeran.

Saeyoung: I didn't need to know that last part.

Me: I know Yoosung liked to talk about me. Don't pretend you've never pictured me naked.

Saeyoung: I don't need to know what my brother does in bed.

Me: Fair enough.

Saeran sat next to me and kissed my forehead.

Saeran: You sure you're OK?

Me: Of course. I have YOU, don't I?

Saeyoung: You 2 DO make a cute couple. I'm disappointed in Yoosung though. Out of all the women he could cheat you with, it had to be HER.

Saeran: Just proves what an idiot he is.

Me: Look, I'm not a Rika fan either but people deserve second chances. Yoosung is really nice, maybe they're meant for each other.

Saeran: You're too forgiving.

Me: I fell in love with YOU didn't I?

Saeyoung chortled.

Saeran: Fine.

Saeyoung: She got you there, little brother.

Me: I need a favor.

Twins: Anything.

Me: I don't have space for my stuff at the studio so I was hoping you guys could help me move out my things to your house until I figure out what to do next.

Saeyoung: Sure. Mi casa es tu casa.

Saeran: Is this your way of moving in with me?

Me: I didn't mean it that way. I could ask Seong if it bothers you.

Saeran: It doesn't bother me. You can stay here whenever you like.

Me: Really?

Saeran: Of course. You're practically my girlfriend now, right?

Saeyoung: Real smooth way of asking her out, bro.

Saeran: Go away.

Me: You really want to be my boyfriend?

Saeran: I did say you weren't just one and done.

I hugged him tightly.

Me: I'd love to be your girlfriend.

Saeran: You get to be the first.

Me: Really?

Saeran. Yes. Really.

Saeyoung: This calls for a group hug. My little brother has a girlfriend for the first time. I'm so happy I could cry.

Saeran: Fuck off ‘young.

Me: Let him hug us, he loves you and you know how he is.

Saeran: A pain in the ass is what he is.

Saeyoung: You're going to be a great sister in law.

We all hugged briefly before Saeran’s expression turned murderous towards his brother.

Me: Alright guys, I'm gonna head out.

Saeran: You live streaming today?

Me: Yup.

Saeran: You want me to come over tonight?

Me: I always want you to come.

Saeyoung chortled and I giggled.

Saeran: Naughty woman. I'll see you tonight then.

Saeyoung: Can't call you Mrs. Kim anymore. How about Mrs. Choi instead? Although if I get married my wife will be Mrs. Choi as well.

Me: My name will suffice, or MC like you used to call me.

Saeran: Just call her MC.

Saeyoung: Alright MC. Call us if you need anything.

Me: Thanks. I'm grateful for having you guys in my life. It's been quite the journey but here I am, with the man that started it all.

Saeran: I'm not that person anymore.

Me: But I love the person you are now.

He kissed my forehead and lifted me to stand.

Me: Bye Saeyoung.

Saeyoung: See you soon.

Saeran walked me to the door.

Me: Am I rushing our relationship?

Saeran: No.

Me: Technically I've known you for years. Sort of. I didn't really get to know you until these past weeks.

Saeran: Relax. There's plenty of time to see where this goes. I've never had a girlfriend before and you've got plenty of stuff going on.

Me: You're right. I'm sorry.

Saeran: There's nothing to be sorry about, except for the sad excuse you called husband.

Me: Let's not talk about him. I'll see you tonight. OK?

He embraced me tightly and we kissed, his tongue slipping into my mouth and my hands making their way to grab his butt. He pulled away and I stared at his honey colored eyes.

“Saeran-shin, you make me happy.”

“I could say the same about you.”

I flashed him a bright smile and let go of of him, making my way to the car. His brother stood next to him when I looked back and I waved goodbye, Saeyoung waved back. I drove to the studio to work,when I got there and checked my phone I had missed calls, most of them from Yoosung. I sent him a text that I was busy. I felt good. I decided to call Jumin to ask him if we could meet for lunch.

“Jumin, I have a personal favor to ask, can you meet me for lunch today?”

“Yes, I can meet you for lunch. I assume you wish to discuss the personal matter in person.”

“Yes, unforeseen circumstances occurred and I need my friend.”

“Sounds grave, whatever you need that I can help you with, I'm at your disposal. I'll have my assistant call you with the details to the restaurant or did you have one in mind?”

“You can pick me up at the gallery and we'll go together.”

“I'll call you when I'm on my way then.”

“Thank you Jumin.”

“No problem MC.”

I texted Saeran that I was meeting Jumin to consult my upcoming divorce. He wished me luck. An hour later I got a call from Jumin that he was picking me up soon. I waited for him by the side door and walked towards the car when it parked.

“Jumin, it's always nice to see you.”

“Likewise, you look radiant. I'm glad you at least look well. Now tell me, what grave matter did you want to discuss?”

“Always to the point. As you know, Yoosung and I had been going to therapy. I was depressed and had engaged in substance abuse, everything changed when I started painting.”

“Yes, I had my assistant research rehabilitation centers. I'm glad painting has been very therapeutic for you.”

“My relationship with Yoosung wasn't getting better. I moved into the studio.”

“Yes, I was aware of your separation. Does this mean you're getting a divorce?”

“Yes, my marriage has come to an end. I had an affair last week and didn't tell Yoosung until today, when I found him in bed with Rika.”

“What? Rika as in his cousin Rika?”

“Yes, I was waiting to tell Yoosung about my affair in person, I had postponed dinner last Friday and he cancelled our couples counseling appointment so I hadn't seen him.”

“Until today. And you saw them together.”

“Yes. It wasn't the best way to meet Rika for the first time. I'm sure a lot of people get upset when their spouse cheats on them or their marriage fails. I’m happy things turned out the way they did. Rika did me a favor. I don't need to go back to the house and explain to my husband why I don't love him anymore. Yoosung will feel guilty for what he did and will expect me to want a divorce.”

“But you cheated on him as well. May I ask with whom?”

“Saeran Choi. We became close since I started the livestreams. We were just friends until a week ago.”

“You had an affair with Saeran and Yoosung with Rika. This is… disturbing to say the least. I need some wine.”

We got to the restaurant and were seated in a fairly secluded area. Jumin ordered a bottle of wine and I let him choose the entree for me.

“What kind of favor do you need MC?”

“I would like to consult a lawyer that specializes in divorce law.”

“I see. And have you spoken with Yoosung about this?”

“No, I caught him with Rika just hours ago, I told him we'd have a proper conversation at a later time.”

“Shouldn't you wait to speak with him before seeing a lawyer?”

“No, I think it's best he and I meet with the lawyer. I'm not asking this favor for myself, but for the both of us. We didn't make a prenuptial contract so I want a fair settlement. What's mine is mine, what's his is his.”

“Fair enough. You're both my friends and I hope the divorce doesn't affect that. It seems Rika is always finding a way to separate my friends.”

“I don't know what to think of her. But I know that Yoosung is a good man, kind, and loving. He's always loved her, maybe he can truly help her move on.”

“You're too kind MC. you forget what she did to my best friend and to Saeran.”

“It's not about forgetting, it's about forgiving. Sometimes people deserve a second chance. Jihyun recovered and now lives happily with his wife and daughter. If the doctors said Rika is better, let's give her a chance. If not, she can go back to the mental hospital.”

“I suppose you're right. And how is Saeran?”

“I visited the Choi household when I left the house this morning and told them what had happened, then I asked them if they could help me move my things from the house to their place. The twins offered their support and Saeran accepted me as his girlfriend.”

“Will you be living with them?”

“That’s unclear. The studio was never meant to be a permanent living space, so I'll figure out what to do once I officially move my things out of the house.”

“I can hire movers if you like.”

“I'll let you know, I'd like to organize my things on my own before they're packed.”

Jumin ordered a second bottle of wine.

“I understand. I'll send you the contact information for the lawyers I'd recommend. I'm sorry about your marriage but I can see how happy you are now.”

“I'm sorry too. Yoosung did what he could to cheer me up but it wasn't enough. He'll always be my friend even though he'll no longer be my husband.”

“I wish people could be more sympathetic and kind as you. You've always been mature and wise. I think that's what Yoosung admired of you.”

“Yes, it's a shame he's still childish in some ways but there's nothing else I can do. This will be his final lesson from me.”

“How so?”

“He cried when I caught him and tried to apologize. I told him he had to take responsibility for his actions, accept his mistakes and move on. Our marriage clearly failed by both parties but at least I accept what I did, being with Saeran makes me feel like Mi Cha again. If Rika makes him happy, good for them.”

“He's always been sentimental. You can't blame him. You caught him when he was vulnerable. So what is feeling like Mi Cha?”

“I feel like myself. Invigorated, fulfilled, renewed. Instead of empty, with no purpose, the arm candy to a doctor, the rich housewife.”

“You're not a rich housewife. Or arm candy.”

“Not rich by your standards of course, but the mediocre kind like my yoga class friends.”

“Ah, like those women, yes. But you're nothing like them.”

“True, but besides my friends from the RFA that's the kind of people that surrounded me, the snobby wives of doctors and businessmen.”

“Yes, I know that kind all too well.”

We finished lunch and we got in the car.

“Thank you for meeting with me Jumin, I truly appreciate this.”

“Anything for a friend. I hope our next meeting will be under happier circumstances.”

“Yes, of course. I heard Jihyun will be visiting during the summer. Have you spoken with him?”

“I have. He'll be arriving in July. I've arranged vacation days to spend time with him and his family.”

“That's great. I hope to see him. I have presents for Jin.”

“Always so thoughtful of others.”

“It shouldn't be a surprise Jumin. We've known each other for 6 years.”

“Yes, it's been quite a while hasn't it?”

“Indeed. I hope our friendship continues.”

“I don't see why not.”

When we arrived to the gallery we said our goodbyes and I went to the studio using the side door. I was tipsy from the wine but started the live stream after drinking a large glass of water. I managed to finish the portrait. Once I was offline, Yoosung called me. He told me he spoke with Jumin on the phone about consulting a divorce lawyer upon my request.

“Did he tell you I asked this for the both of us?”

“He did.”

“Good. I'll contact the lawyers and set up an appointment so we can both go. When do you start work?”

“I took a month off.”

“OK, then I'll let you know once I have a date.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Call me when you want to come over to pick up your things.”

“Thank you.”

“Take care MC.”

“You too.”

He hung up. He sounded so sad but I was glad he did his best to stay strong. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. The ocean of darkness that surrounded me has finally receded, but now I'm walking into Unknown territory.


	16. Choi History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC learns about the twin's past in more detail and is getting used to life as a divorced woman.

Dear diary,

When I started writing this journal I was in a really dark place. I was a soulless woman, a shadow of my former self, an empty husk, I felt nothing. Which is bizarre since I had achieved what I thought I wanted for myself. I had a loving husband, a nice house, a business related to my degree, friends, financial stability, everything I wanted when I was a young girl filled with hopes and dreams. It reminded me of those fairy tales that teach you to be careful what you wish for. Instead of feeling fulfilled after accomplishing my goals, I got lost along the way and my marriage suffered the consequences. It didn't help that my expectations as a married woman weren't met. My mother had told me long ago to not marry so young, she wanted me to live a life first and then settle down. I tried both and failed. Some people can make it work, but I clearly couldn't. Which is fine, at least I didn't wallow in despair because I was unhappy with my situation. I've always tried to keep myself busy. It's true that I did rely on drugs for a while but after my intervention I threw them away and cut back on my alcohol intake. I don't drink alone anymore. Saeran isn't much of a drinker but he'll have a glass of wine with me during dinner sometimes. Since his mother was a raging alcoholic, I try not to go overboard with my alcohol consumption, he hasn't said anything about my habits but for his sake I try to keep myself in check. I haven't gone partying since we officially started dating so besides the occasional wine, I no longer drink much.

Even though Saeran and I have talked a lot about each other, Saeyoung invited me to the house one day for what he called “History of the modern Choi” which was a recap of their childhood until the present. His reasoning was that I was family now and needed to know exactly what I was getting into. I knew their past was terrible and right before Rika showed up, Saeran had divulged everything she had made him do for Mint Eye, except for one thing, he killed their mother. After hearing all the childhood stories, I understood what a terrible woman their mother was but I was still shocked to find out my boyfriend had killed his mom. I don't know what expression I had on my face but when Saeran was narrating how it was part of his initiation for Mint Eye, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. They stayed quiet and gave me a break to compose myself, I had been holding back tears and when I felt my cheeks get wet I had started to sob uncontrollably.

Me: I'm sorry, it's just, I knew parts of your past but not like this. I didn't know it was this horrible.

Saeyoung: Now you know our family secret.

Saeran: It does sound horrible, doesn't it? She was just the first.

Saeyoung: If you say it like that you're going to scare her.

Saeran: She SHOULD be afraid of me. I'm a monster. Just like mother said.

Saeyoung: We've been through this, you're not a monster, our mother was. MC loves you for who you are. Look at her, there's no fear in her eyes.

Me: Babe, I knew you were, ummm, unhinged. What you did to Yoosung back then, I know about it. He told me. He thought he was going to die by your hand and he got the feeling he wasn't the first person you ever tortured. Don't be so hard on yourself. Of course I still want to be with you. I told you before that your past doesn't define you. You were abused and brainwashed. Whatever actions you took you weren't in your right mind, I can't judge you for that. I never thought you were crazy, just, misguided.

Saeyoung: I told you she'd be understanding.

Saeran: You're too kind for your own good.

Me: Yes, you keep telling me that.

Saeran: You're accepting I've tortured and killed people.

Me: I knew you did horrible things for Rika, that didn't stop me from falling in love with you. Those things happened when you were on drugs and full of hate. You're not that person anymore. You deserve a second chance. You deserve to live a happy life.

Saeyoung: Did you know she threw a mug at Yoosung when she used to be a pill popping housewife?

Me: Thanks ‘young, compare me throwing a mug to torture.

Saeyoung: Well, he DID fear for his safety. And you WERE a drug addict.

Saeran: Did you hit him with the mug?

Me: No, I have terrible aim.

Saeran chuckled.

Me: This is a lot to take in. I'm glad you're being open about everything but this is seriously messed up. It explains a lot, but still.

Saeran: You need to know what you're getting yourself into.

Me: Yes, you make it hard to forget. Alright, let's skip to the part when you're rescued.

Saeyoung: OK, my turn to tell the story.

Saeran stared in silence as his brother recounted how he went back to Magenta to get his brother. Saeyoung had managed to decrypt the information he stole with Yoosung prior to rescuing his brother. When he got there, Saeran had been abandoned by Rika and was hiding in a cabin. Their encounter wasn’t pretty, he was having a mental breakdown after feeling left behind once again. His brother tried to convince him that he was always loved by his other half but when he got violent, Saeyoung knocked him out and took him to the hospital with the help of Vanderwood. Jumin was later informed that the twins are the prime minister's sons and everything concerning Rika’s activities, he issued a search party after her with instructions to have her and everyone involved apprehended. Saeran began his rehabilitation and when Rika and her cultists were eventually found, she was taken to a mental hospital for treatment and her followers were sent to a rehab facility. Saeyoung then took Saeran to the rehab facility where they started to mend their relationship about a year later. By then, Saeyoung had stopped working for the agency and gave his brother an identity in the national registry. Jumin’s relationship with Jihyun was affected during the whole process but V agreed to receive treatment for his eyes and psychological damage after Rika was sent abroad. Saeran explained the long journey it took for him to reconcile with his brother, once that was accomplished. Jumin helped the twins meet their father and acted as intermediary, encouraging the prime minister to recognize his children and participate in charity to clean up his image. Saeran’s first RFA party was my third. After that, he went to college in England, completing a degree in Mechanical Engineering. When he got back, his brother had finished his masters degree and had started teaching at SKY University. I had seen Saeran every summer for the twin’s birthday, I’ve been baking them cakes for the last 3 years, but apart from that and the RFA parties, I didn’t really have communication with the Choi twins, except when Jaehee opened the coffee shop, they regularly stopped by.

Saeyoung: He still gets nightmares every now and then, he'll stop kicking and screaming if you hug him and stroke his hair.

Me: Anything else I should know? Besides knowing who to come to when I need to bury a body or get a custom made machine?

Saeyoung snickered and Saeran glared at me but quickly softened his expression.

Saeyoung: She's a keeper, bro.

Saeran: Yeah. She is.

I was blushing as the twins stared at me, Saeran leaned in and kissed my forehead. His way of showing me his love. He hasn't said the words “I love you.” yet but all his actions make me feel loved. Yoosung and I would say “I love you” almost every day and the words lost their meaning over the years, we became desensitized. But with Saeran, every thing he does is a demonstration of his feelings. He's such an intense person, I doubt he could ever bore me. I enjoy the fact he's not clingy, Saeran is more than happy to give me my space when I need it because he likes his space as well so even though I don't officially live with him, I do spend nights at the Choi house and he sleeps over at the studio as well. Seong has suggested I look for an apartment when he heard us having sex during business hours. That was an embarrassing conversation, he wanted to be angry with me but he couldn't hide his amusement.

“Girl, at this point your sex life could be an art installation, but since it's NOT, please remember this is still a workplace.”

“I'm sorry. I swear he was going to leave before the gallery opened but it's so hard to say no to him.”

“Oh I can imagine. But one of us still manages the gallery.”

“I know, I'm sorry.”

“I know you're not sorry but seriously, just move in with him or get your own place.”

“He lives with his brother, I don't want to live with them.”

“Why not? 2 hot guys in the same house? Those are goals.”

“Of course you'd think that.”

“And you wouldn't? Just imagine being sandwiched between them.”

I giggled and told him to stop.

“You're a terrible friend Seong.”

“You mean terribly fabulous, right?”

“Sure. I'll keep it quiet from now on.”

“Yes please, unless you intend to do a public art display.”

“I don't think so, but thank you for the suggestion.”

“Think about it. That man is a work of art.”

“Stop it.”

“Fine. Just tell him to keep it in his pants while the gallery is open to the public. The walls aren't soundproof.”

I agreed with him and I've been thinking about it since. I miss having my own place, as much as I like living at the studio, it's inconvenient not having a closet or a laundry room. I should start looking at places soon and hopefully complete my transition as a divorced woman once I get all my things in the same place. Even though I'm not Mrs. Kim anymore, I don't see myself being Mrs. Choi any time soon. I want to be independent and take things slow and Saeran is OK with that. He's a special man and I'm lucky to have fallen in love with my friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the After Ending. Originally the story ended here but as I was editing, a few questions came up and decided to write another chapter. I'm still not entirely convinced that's the last chapter, but if I ever want to continue the story I can always write more. Thanks for sticking around.


	17. After Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been months since MC and Saeran have been together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for the ending? Thank you for sticking around and liking my story.

Dear diary,

It's been 10 months since my last entry, that’s almost a year. Wow, a lot has happened since then. It’s a good thing adopting a husband’s surname is a foreign concept here. People only called me Mrs. Kim to associate me with Yoosung or by my friends as a joke since I tended to be motherly and bossy. Sometimes when I wake up I can hardly believe how much my life has changed. The good news is I finally managed that balance in my career and personal life I had been looking for. I'm really happy with how everything turned out. I went from a recovering pill popping junkie, married to a man I didn't love to a moderately known artist living with a man that makes me smile every day. All it takes is seeing him sleep beside me, a welcoming sight I enjoy every day. I didn't expect for us to move in together so soon after my divorce. I wanted to move my things from the Choi household so I looked at places to move into that were spacious enough for me to work in and house all my crap. I fell in love with a penthouse that Jumin recommended, it has a breathtaking view and even though it was a little pricey, it felt right when I took Saeran to check it out with me. We loved the apartment and he occasionally stayed with me. When Saeyoung’s relationship started to get a little bit more serious as the months passed, Saeran would stay for several days at a time until one morning I told him not to leave.

“You don't have to go back. You could stay here with me.”

“You have work to do, I don't want to disturb you.”

“Nonsense. I'm already disturbed Mr. Choi. Besides, this place feels like home when you're here.”

“Is this your way of asking me to move in with you?”

“Yes. I want you here. Every day. I think I'm ready for that if you are.”

“You want me that much?”

“I always want you but that’s not the point. Do you WANT to live here with me?”

“I don’t WANT to run into my brother and his girlfriend anymore.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“No.”

“Please stay.”

“You sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes. If home is where the heart is, my home is with you.”

He hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead. We’ve been living together ever since. Moving his things from his room to the apartment was easy since he didn’t really have a lot of stuff. All he left behind were his tools that he keeps in his brother's garage where he goes sometimes to work on things. It didn’t take long for Saeyoung to ask his girlfriend to live with him after Saeran moved in with me. Sun Jung is really nice and I’m happy their relationship has progressed. She’s a little younger than I am and we have a few things in common, I haven’t had a real opportunity to talk much with her since Saeran started living with me. I’m busier than ever and don’t have much free time to socialize. If my social life was in peril before, it’s worse now. The easiest way to talk to me is during my livestreams or at the gallery. Basically, while I’m working. It’s all I do now. The portraits I did for Zen and Jumin got a lot of recognition and I got featured in several publications, been interviewed on TV, and doing meet and greets with Zen. Fans pay for a custom portrait and pick them up at the event where Zen personally hands it to them. It's been very successful so far. I've had fun painting different outfits on Zen, his fans like specific characters he's played and it's been quite the learning experience for me in terms of anatomy and fashion. After the first dozen of Zen portraits, I painted Saeran just to have something for myself. I've become more adept at making rough sketches. I have plenty of studies of Zen’s photos since that's what I mostly get paid to do, but at home I've taken to sketching Saeran when I'm not livestreaming. He's gotten used to staying still when he notices me grab my sketchbook. One of my favorite sketches is of him walking out of the shower, drawing mundane things like that make me happy. He's fun to draw. I've learned to sketch faster just so I can drop my pencil and jump on him. He rarely interrupts me when I'm drawing him but when he does, he makes it worthwhile. Sex with Saeran is mind blowing. There's nothing like being fucked senseless after a long day of work. Being an artist means my mind is constantly working and it can be exhausting. Lucky for me, my boyfriend is great at helping me relieve the stress. His massages are heaven, his fingers like magic, he always knows exactly how to rub me, and the most important part of all is that I don't even have to ask. He’s unlike anyone else I've met. Although living with him has been a surreal experience, I tasted my first sour patch a week ago when I came home from a meet and greet. He waited for me at the counter and asked if I had feelings for Zen.

“Of course not. He's my friend and we're just working together.”

“I was just your friend and we were working together.”

“I was unhappy with my relationship, you know that. I'm happy now. I have no reason to seek love or comfort elsewhere. You're all I need. Besides, Zen is too narcissistic for his own good. If I had wanted to be with Zen, I'd have fallen for him instead of Yoosung.”

“Why DID you fall in love with him?”

“I ummm. I'm not sure. The therapist asked me the same thing and I couldn't give a straight answer. I thought he was pretty cute and a real nice guy, I felt bad for his situation of wasting his life away, I guess I just empathized and liked being a part of his life. He was so devoted to try to mature and make me happy, it was easy to feel loved and loving him was easy.”

“He was your pet.”

“Stop comparing him to a puppy. I wasn’t his master.”

“I’ve heard otherwise and he enjoyed it. Wasn’t it because you wanted him to be more dominant that you stopped having sex with him?”

“The last months of my marriage do NOT sum up the whole of my relationship with him. None of this has anything to do with you. Nobody has ever made me feel the way you do. Remember the first time you picked me up to go to the library and I stammered?”

“I remember it distinctly.”

“Then you'd know it's because my heart skipped a beat and my stomach flipped because of my feelings for you.”

“I still don't know why you love me.”

“I don't know either. But the beauty of it is knowing that feelings aren't rational. I don't need a reason to love you but if you're looking for me to hate you, this conversation is a pretty good fucking start. Yoosung was also jealous of my friendship with Zen. You don't want to be the same as him.”

He glared at me and I took that opportunity to head over to the refrigerator and get some water. As I drank he stood in my way.

“I'm sorry. I just can't believe you really want to be with me.”

“I live with you, don't I?”

“Yes.”

“You're my home.”

“I know.”

“Then stop forgetting.“

He kissed my forehead and held me tight. Later that night I had a feeling in my gut that made me want to check his medication to see if the bottles were empty or not and they were full. I took out all the pills, counted them, and it was a month’s worth of pills. He didn't appreciate me telling him that he can't just quit taking his meds without consulting his doctor. It was our first fight. I had never seen him so angry, we shouted and threw things. I didn't have time to feel scared at his angry face, the volume of his curses, or the destruction he was wrecking. When he broke the wine glasses Jumin had gifted me, I stepped on a large shard, and my foot bled all over the tile. We stopped fighting once I sat on the floor to clutch my foot to examine it. He rushed towards me but I lifted my hand and asked him to clean up the floor first so I could crawl to the bathroom.

“Let me carry you.”

“No. Clean up the glass first. And use the dustpan. I don't want the both of us bleeding out.”

“Always so thoughtful of others. Fine.”

He cleared out the broken glass and I let him carry me to the bathroom. He sat me on the toilet seat and I pulled out the first aid kit from the shelf. I lifted my foot and he washed it in the sink so I could apply disinfectant.

“I'm sorry Mi Cha.”

“It'll be OK.”

“You're hurt because of me.”

“Yes. I am. I only wanted to help you. You have to help me help you. You can start by taking your meds.”

“Let me help you with your wound first.”

“I think it's too big. I might need to go to the hospital.”

“No. I can help you with that. I've done this before.”

I looked at him and sighed. I let him clean and dress my wound. He worked in silence. When he was finished he carried me to bed and said he'd finish cleaning the mess we made. 2 broken lamps, my wine glass set, the coffee table, toppled plants, a cracked vase. My face was tear stained by the time he got back.

“I should leave.” He croaked.

“No. Stay. I need you.” I sobbed.

He sat on the bed and stroked my hair lovingly.

“I need you too.” He whispered.

He lied down next to me and I cuddled up on his chest.

“Did you take your meds?”

“Yes and I'll replace everything that was destroyed.”

“Just the lamps is fine. Everything else was from the house. Maybe it was bad karma to keep those things.”

“I didn't like the coffee table. My shin seemed to like it though. I'm glad it's not there anymore.”

I chuckled and held him tighter.

“I'm sorry for shouting Saeran-shin.”

“No, I'm the one that should be sorry. You've been understanding and I know I fucked up. You shouted because I snapped first. You shouldn't have seen me like that.”

“What happened is not OK. I know you've got your issues. Your brother warned me, quite a few times actually, that this could happen. That's why I'm not surprised, just a little disappointed in myself. I think I could've handled it better but it's been a long day for me.”

“Don't be disappointed. I should've been taking my medication and I know you come home tired.”

We apologized and went to sleep. I had to call Jaehee the next morning that I couldn't go to work because I had injured myself and could barely walk. Once Saeyoung found out I was hurt he came to visit us. Saeran was tempted to leave him locked out but I asked him to please let him come in.

Saeyoung: Where is she?

Saeran: In the bedroom.

I saw the look of worry on Saeyoung’s face. All too similar to Saeran’s.

Saeyoung: What really happened?

Me: Saeran asked me if I had feelings for Zen. I said no of course, one thing led to another and I ended up comparing your brother to Yoosung. Later I had a suspicion he wasn't taking his meds so I checked the pill bottles. They were full.

Saeyoung: And you confronted him.

Me: I did. He shouted first, I responded in equal volume, and things escalated.

Saeyoung: What happened to your foot?

Me: He broke my wine glasses and I stepped on a shard.

Saeran: I didn't throw them at her. I just knocked them over.

Me: Forcefully. It's like he knew Jumin bought them.

Saeran: I did.

Saeyoung: I noticed the coffee table Zen bought is missing.

Me: I broke it.

Saeyoung: I'm not sure I want to know how. What else happened? Are you OK Saeran?

Saeran: I'm fine. I'm taking my medication and made an appointment with the therapist.

Saeyoung: Did he touch you Mi Cha?

Saeran: What do you mean?

Me: No. We didn't hit each other. It was all indirect.

Saeran: I would never put a hand on her.

Saeyoung: You said you'd never hurt her. Look at her foot.

Saeran: It won't happen again.

Saeyoung: I hope not.

Me: I'm fine Saeyoung.

Saeyoung: You should see a therapist as well.

Me: Why?

Saeyoung: So you can get a better grasp on dealing with Saeran.

Me: I'll think about it.

Saeran: I don't think it's necessary.

Saeyoung: You don't get to say if it's necessary when you know what your condition is.

Me: Don't worry Saeyoung. We're doing fine.

Saeyoung: Nothing about this is fine.

He pointed at my bandaged foot.

Me: I'll be ok.

Saeyoung: You should come home with me.

Saeran: I AM home.

Saeyoung: You know what I mean.

Me: This is his home. You can't take care of him forever. He doesn't need to be taken care of, just to be loved. Might need a nudge every now and then but I'm more than capable of being with him.

Saeyoung: Hence the broken coffee table.

Saeran: I know I fucked up. I just felt so happy ever since I’ve been living here I thought I could go without the meds.

Saeyoung: It doesn't work that way.

Saeran: Clearly.

Me: Then we'll talk to your therapist, maybe you need a different prescription.

Saeyoung: That sounds like a good idea. Do you want me to go with you?

Saeran: No.

Me: I could go with you if you want.

Saeran: I'll think about it.

Saeyoung: Can I look at your foot?

Me: Sure. I have to shower soon anyway.

Saeran took off the bandage and his brother inspected the wound. He hissed and told me to keep it dry and not to apply pressure on that foot.

Me: I know, Saeran already explained he's had similar injuries. I won't be working at the café this week so I'll be fine. Sadly, I don't have Zen’s monster recovery rate.

Saeyoung: Take good care of her little brother.

Saeran: Always.

The brothers spoke at the door, I have no idea what they said, but Saeran looked pretty glum when he came back to me. He kissed my forehead and handed me my sketchbook and pencils so I could draw.

No relationship is perfect, but I can see the potential of this turning into something stable and beautiful. There might be trials ahead, but I’m not worried. Things might be weird now while we all adjust to the changes in our lives. Ever since Rika was reinstated in the RFA there has been a fair amount of tension. The twins have tolerated her coming back, they argued that it wasn’t right but the decision was ultimately up to Jumin. He had a talk with V and they agreed it would be a good idea for her to prove that she’s doing better. I didn’t voice an opinion, I’m too caught up with work so I happily gave her my duties as party planner. The party last month was a success and I got a glimpse of what the old Rika must’ve been like, at least that’s what Zen told me. I almost didn’t go but Sun Jung was excited about it since it was her first time going to an RFA party, it was her enthusiasm that convinced me to go. I remember my first party, I was honored to be part of such an exclusive event. It was a good thing I went, I got to meet other people from the fine arts industry. I put aside my personal feelings and focused on the important aspect of the party, the charity and the potential connections. Mr. Lee was also there so it was a great photo opportunity for him to be seen with his sons and their dates. The downside to that is my relationship with Saeran is known nationwide. It’s a little embarrassing sometimes when I’m working at the café, especially when reporters show up, regular people I can handle, but sending the media away is getting harder. I never thought I’d need bodyguards before. Seon-joo told me I’d get used to it, she reassured me that it’s not that bad and it’s a must if I’m dating a politician’s son. I guess she’d know, being Jumin’s wife can’t be easy. I tend to forget how famous some of my friends are. But she doesn’t work behind a counter in the food industry. I enjoy working with Jaehee, making coffee, baking pastries, chatting with customers, doesn’t matter how busy I get with my art, the café is my little haven, the smell of coffee and sweets is like a second home. I’m sure the crazy crowds will die down just like they did when the media thought Zen and I were dating. Paparazzi stalked the café for a week and gave up when they saw me with Saeran, then they switched targets and the rumors of our relationship spread. The RFA party was the event they’d been waiting for, Mr. Lee himself asked us when we were getting married, we evaded the question but the topic came up again in an interview where he expressed he’d love to see his sons married and giving him grandchildren. I was a little mortified when Seong showed me the video.

“Does he even want kids?”

“We’ve never talked about it. He knows I’m not interested in bearing children yet.”

“I guess not while you’re focused on your career. And what about marriage?”

“It’s only been a few months since my divorce.”

“And? Is he not husband material? You’ve been living with him for months.”

“I love him, I do, but I’m not ready to have it in writing and he’s ok with that.”

“What does your mom think?”

“I think she doesn’t like him but she says at least he’s not a deadbeat.”

“Does he even have a job?”

“Yeah, he’s an engineer at C&R.”

“But, he doesn’t have regular office hours.”

“He’s a genius, he finishes his work fast and only goes to the office when he’s needed. He had a normal work schedule but after a while he made an arrangement with Jumin and that’s why he has a flexible schedule. It didn’t make sense to keep him at the office all day when he was done with work, he would get antsy and end up at the IT department, he’d finish working there and then get bored when there was nothing else for him to do.”

“So the twins both work for C&R?”

“Yeah, Saeran in Engineering and Saeyoung in IT.”

“But Saeyoung also works at SKY.”

“Yeah, he also has a flexible schedule, they’re supervisors of their respective departments but are rarely needed at their office so they’re always on call. They usually handle their work remotely.”

“That’s pretty impressive.”

“It is, they’re great at what they do.”

Seong got used to having a security team around the gallery, he even flirts with them sometimes, it’s hilarious to watch. The week I spent at home due to my injury wasn’t that bad. Since Saeran wouldn’t let me go outside it was a nice vacation from the bodyguards. I let my boyfriend do all the grocery shopping and errands for me. The livestreams carried on as usual and I came up with a new recipe for the cafe: Maple cinnamon roll. Inspired by my adorable redheaded lover. He delivered one to Jaehee and she approved it for the Daily Menu, it will be available on Sundays for Sinday and we’re calling it the SINnamon roll. It took a lot of convincing to have Jaehee agree on the idea of using the word SIN to sell sweets but she couldn’t argue that as a marketing strategy we have to stay edgy to compete with the mainstream café across the street. We can’t rely on Zen’s popularity to attract customers but it sure helps to have a celebrity spokesperson. If we had a liquor license we could sell his favorite beer but Jaehee doesn’t want to add a bar to the café, it would ruin the aesthetic of a coffee shop, making it into a bakery was enough. I remember when she added fresh baked croissants to the menu because she couldn’t find a supplier that made them with whole wheat flour or gluten-free and she wanted to offer healthier options. It’s a lot of work but Jaehee is a hard worker and the results have been worth the effort Sometimes she reminds me of the time Zen and I inspired her to pursue the coffee shop idea. She couldn’t afford employees and I volunteered to help. Watching her every day pursuing her dream of being a business owner is what inspired me to start the gallery. Art has always been a passion so when Jaehee didn’t need me full-time anymore I worked to secure a space for the gallery. She sometimes asks if I want to quit the café but I just chuckle and tell her she’s a great boss and that I truly enjoy the job. I’m really grateful to work alongside my friends. We’ve been through a lot together so I know we can overcome any hurdles.

Things are still weird with Yoosung, it’ll take time for all us to truly move forward if the animosity towards Rika continues. I’ve done what I can to help the twins find absolution. Nobody expects them to forget what happened, but hatred is a weight not worth carrying for so long. I’m still wary of her but for the sake of the twins, I hope they can reconcile with the past and accept the present. Life sucks sometimes when things get difficult but I’ve learned that when the good times come around, they’re better appreciated. I can enjoy the brief moments of happiness because they’re a reward for the pain I’ve suffered. That keeps me motivated, seeking the ephemeral moments of joy with the person I love or on my own. I can finally say I’m comfortable in my own skin and also don’t mind sharing it with my boyfriend. Since my relationship with him is different I find myself being the one that gets taken care of for a change but I find that switching roles takes little effort. Will we ever get married and have kids? Mayhaps. My mother used to tell me that I had to work hard for the things I wanted because they wouldn’t come easily. She was right of course. I’ll continue to work hard for the things I want. For now, I just feel fortunate to feel this blithe.


End file.
